Fear of Flying. 05/15/26

People of a certain age remember Erica Jong’s groundbreaking book, Fear of Flying. It was about, among other things, telling women they could have sex without strings. It introduced us to the term “zipless fuck,” which was about what we just said it was about. Thankfully our comics this week have nothing to do with that. It refers to getting on a plane to see your grandchildren and always catching whatever cold they happen to be carrying at the time. Face it grandpas and grandmas, you love the hell out of them, but nursery school, day care, McDonalds ball pits…who knows how many germs they’re exposed to. Truth be told, if they allowed adults in, I’d dive into a Mickey D’s ball pit. It looks like a lot of fun. Sure you’ll likely get a cold, but a little Zicam, Vicks Vaporub and a box of Puffs Plus with aloe, and you’re right back in the game. John’s grandkids live in South Carolina, which requires him to fly and let’s face it, airplanes are probably just as bad as ball pits. But in the end, as John put it, when you see their snotty little faces, you just have to hug them. For me, it’s only a car ride to Brooklyn to see the little ones. I hug and kiss their “snotty little faces, and then grab a Kleenex to wipe said snot from said noses. My older granddaughter tolerates the nose wipe, the little one hates it. Listen, the more germs they get exposed to, the more immunities they develop. But I have heard of some new parents (maybe because they lived through the pandemic) require the grandparents to get a Covid shot, flu shot, and to personally sign six-page vaccination spreadsheet before being able to enter the house. All I can say is I used to drink water out of the garden hose while one of my grandpas chain smoked cigarettes and I turned out okay (depending on who you ask).

Our other effort is yet another Jeopardy game. Thanks to all of you who wrote in saying how much they like those. We will sprinkle them in from time to time. Like airport codes. Who comes up with these? New Orleans is MSY. Newark is EWR (what’s wrong with NWK)? And my favorite, YYZ, which of course means Toronto. Thankfully our assistant Chat GPT has the answers to how those codes came into existence. New Orleans? An aviator named John Moisant was celebrated and the land used for the airport was once a stockyard, so Moisant Stock Yards or MSY. Newark? U.S. airport codes avoid starting with the letter “N” because of old naval/radio designations. Who knew? So EWR. That is a strange designation but hey, it’s New Jersey. And finally Toronto. I read the explanation and I still can’t understand it. Anyway, gotta run. I’ve got a flight from Westchester Airport, HPN. The PN is from White Plains. Nobody knows where the H comes from. But at least this one makes sense, Nothing says White Plains like PN, right?

Have a great weekend and the part about going to Westchester Airport? That was made up so we could squeeze the PN part in. See you next week,

Andy and John

Watching the Big Screen 4/9/21

Here’s another problem with getting old. Whining about the fact that things ain’t like they used to be. This observation is always followed by the phrase “these days.” Examples: “Politics is too partisan these days.” “You have to be so careful about what you say these days.” And, relating to our March Madness comic, “College basketball is too much like the pros these days.” As John and I were talking about the NCAA Tournament which ended Monday night (it was really over in the first ten minutes, it just lasted until the final buzzer at which point nobody was watching except for people who attended Baylor) we remarked that the only thing amateur about college hoops is when you see the players reduced to tears when their team finally loses. Then we thought that the truly great players play only one season of college before turning pro, so just how sad are they? They are about to earn unfathomable riches. And yeah, it sucks that old (fill in your alma mater here) lost, but the hell with it, I’m going to the Oklahoma City Thunder!

The other comic this week (not as timely as March Madness) deals with the phenomenon we are all experiencing in real time. A few months ago, one of the major studios decided to release all its upcoming movies to theaters and to HBO Max at the exact same time. This means no more exclusive runs at the movie theater. First of all, what is HBO Max anyway? I already pay for HBO, now I have to pay MORE for Max???? But the point is, that there are fewer and fewer reasons to go to a movie theater and we will be streaming more and more movies in the comfort of our own homes. I must admit I used to like the movie theater experience. The audience shrieks at a scary movie or laughter at a comedy is infectious. There’s surround-sound, DOLBY digital and IMAX. But now the audience is infectious as well. And if you’re on the short side like me, there’s always a 6-footer who decides to sit right in front of you. And let’s face it, the popcorn sucks, unless you go to the Alamo Drafthouse. So we had Al and Joanne recreate the experience at home without going into one of the discussions I have with my wife around home movie watching: do you pour the raisinets straight into the popcorn bowl, or eat them separately.

One final personal note. John and I write about what it’s like to navigate your 60’s because we like to write about what we know. However, we’ve written about being grandparents without personally knowing what that’s like. I am proud to say as of Tuesday night, I now know what that’s like. My daughter Ali and her husband Mark had their first child Charlotte Tuesday around 10pm. My wife Joanie and I are now first time grandparents. And it couldn’t be sweeter.

See you next week with two new ones — comics, not grandchildren.

Andy and John