What on Earth is a Danish-Go-Round? 10/23/26

Gosh, it seems like we are so consumed with health these days. Maybe a little over-concerned? I bought a brand of frozen pancake with minimal carbs and 15 grams of protein. Pea protein to be exact. Here’s the trouble: it tastes more like peas than pancakes. And try pouring maple syrup on peas. No thanks. It also had a negative effect on my pre-cooked turkey sausage. As I told my concerned wife, “I’m trying here.” I also told her, “Please don’t ask me to try cauliflower pasta again.” And this brings us around to Danish-Go-Rounds. Now truth be told, I had never heard of this scrumptious former dessert type breakfast, before John told me about it. Pop Tarts I knew. And then John described the Danish as an upscale Pop Tart. There’s an oxymoron for you. They, according to Chat, were a combo of enriched wheat flour with vegetable shortening, “fruit” like strawberry of blueberry flavoring, with sugar and/or corn syrup and “thickening agents.” Sweet enough for you? Not yet. Because then Kelloggs added a sugar-based glaze or powdered sugar, but that wasn't enough because they topped them with sprinkles!!!!! Oh, forgot one last item, preservatives and “dough conditioners” to keep this model of healthy eating shelf-stable. It’s no wonder members of our generation are dropping like flies. That and the fact that most of us are in our 60’s, 70’s and 80’s.

Our other effort was about not making dinner plans during football season. I am embarrassed about this so I try to cover it up. Some examples: Oops, Thursday’s no good, I have too much to do.” “Monday night with the Waldman’s? I have to work on Tuesday’s comic.” Or, “I came down with Covid,” if it’s a particularly attractive game. Now all this understandably goes out the window if it’s a Giants game. Then there is no effort at hiding the truth, “Not tonight, the Giants are playing.” One of my favorite moments was a funeral in Pittsburgh when a friend of the deceased said, “Bruce told me in no uncertain terms that if he were to die during football season, there was to be no memorial service on the same day as a Steelers game.” Now that is dedication.

Have a wonderful football-filled weekend,

Andy and John

Actually, it Couldn't be Worse

So if AI is possibly going to be the cause of human extinction, worse than any world war or pandemic, then why are we continuing to develop it? For us, it’s a great way to find out who has the best pizza in a place you’re visiting, to find out what’s the nearest movie theater showing the movies you want to see, figuring out if you should eat grapefruit when you’re taking a statin (you shouldn't, but does Spindrift Grapefruit really count?), and other common day questions. Although I think it’s horrible that it writes term papers, I’m sure if it were available back when I went to college, I’d have used (abused) it. In fact, way back in 1975 I took one class in Chinese politics under Mao and another class in the effect of Confucius on Chinese Politics. I wrote the exact same paper for the final exam on each. When I went to pick up the paper to see my grade, I was shocked to see that both professors shared the same office. Somehow I got away with it, though I got a B plus from the Confucius teacher but only a B from the Mao guy. I’ll take Confucius everyday. Phew, glad I finally got that off my chest.

But back to human extinction. John and I have several questions. First of all, why would we spend trillions of dollars investing in a technology that can potentially kill us (ooh, sign me up!)? And secondly, how do these bots go about staging our end game? Does one call up another and say in bits and bytes, “Hi Ralph, it’s Steve from Anthropic. I’m thinking of poisoning the water supply in the Southern hemisphere. You think that’s a good idea?” “Funny you should ask, Ralph, I think we should go airborne. Hey, why don’t you try the water in the southern hemisphere and I‘ll try the air in the northern. Then we can reloop (yes robots can use the same idiotic business slang that we use) and see which one was more efficient.”

Wouldn’t they be better off trying to cure a previously incurable disease? And they may be smart but they didn’t seem to consider who’s going to program them when all the programmers are six-feet under? On the other hand maybe they did consider it and have learned how to program themselves without those annoying humans. We don’t know about you, but we prefer the bots to work harder on where to find the best pizza. Hint: it’s not Pizza-on-a-Stick.

For now, what do you say we forget all this doom and gloom and have a wonderful weekend,

Andy and John

It Could be Worse. 10/09/26

Isn’t AI fun? First we worried about how it would kill creativity. For instance, it could take a bunch of Aaron Sorkin scripts, figure out he likes fast, punchy dialogue and one-take traveling shots and write a new Aaron Sorkin-like movie. But it could never BE him. We worried it would put writers and actors and directors and art directors out of business. It could take John’s illustrations, my blog-writing, our comic sensibilities and make future New 60 comics for us. Killing our jobs is one thing. Killing us is quite another.

I once almost walked out on a dinner with friends when one of them insisted AI could do anything better than anyone. Not just better than me, better than anyone. It might be able to do things without emotion better than anyone. It might come up with a cure for a once seemingly incurable disease. It might figure out how to save Social Security. It might be able to copy someone’s writing style, but it couldn’t get to their emotional core. A comic book compadre, Sarah Andersen (of Sarah’ Scribbles) was once hacked, she has an easily recognizable style, and AI copied her illustration style and came up with material that was both racist and anti-semitic or politically alt-right. She isn’t any of those things. Could AI come up with a grandchild wondering how the scarecrow would sing if it didn’t have a brain. Nope. A fully formed 5 1/2 year old human (who happens to be my granddaughter) came up with that.

But when it comes to mass human extinction? Kind of makes the copy-cat stuff seem less important. So how can AI do us in? There’s a funny topic for next week’s comics and blog. Unless we let AI handle it.

Have a great weekend and watch out for bots, they’re hiding everywhere,

Andy and John

Brand Identity. 10/02/26

I’m not sure what peeves me more. People trying to become brands or brands trying to become people. Last week the guys tried to become brands, but they didn’t exactly take their assignment seriously. This week Al’s franchise, Pizza-on-a-Stick, tries to become a person. When we were in advertising, I worked for a time on Pizza Hut and John worked big time on Little Caesars. If you think the “pizza pizza” guy looks a lot like Al, there’s a reason. John illustrated them both. In fact, people think I look a little like Al, but his nose is wayyyy bigger. I wonder what Al would look like in a toga. Did you ever notice that brand personalities and brand identities never have any flaws? Would you want to hang with people who had no flaws? Or worse, people who thought they had no flaws? If a soda pop can be identified as optimistic, joyful, inclusive and uplifting, I wonder how it would feel if somebody let it go flat and dumped it down the drain and then further disrespected it by turning on the disposal? How would it feel then, huh?

Now Pizza-on-a-Stick has never been the warm, uplifting, positive friend that Coca Cola has always been. Nor does Pizza-on-a-Stick have the aforementioned Little Caesars’ fun, bold, playful, unpretentious, generous personality (that’s for real, we looked it up on ChatGPT). In fact (please don’t tell Al), Pizza-on-a-Stick is a dumbass idea. Did you ever stop and think what would happen if you tried to eat pizza on a. stick. You take one bite and immediately burn your mouth and hand with the hot, dripping tomato sauce and cheese. And if you bite too hard there’s always the risk of splinters.

If you have any ideas for a brand personality for The New 60, write us and let us know. Just as long as it’s glowingly positive, upbeat and fun. Just like Al.

Have a great weekend all you affable, joyous, ridiculously god-looking readers and we will see you next week,

Andy and John

Brand Personality. 09/25/26

There are few businesses more full of it (and themselves) than the ad biz. We used to come up with clever slogans to animate problems that only our products could alleviate. Ring around the collar anyone? Use Wisk. Or this: Get a Colgate Smile (I guess without it, we’d be constantly tight lipped so as not to show our hideous non-Colgate teeth. But these days the way to appeal to consumers is not to talk about problems, it’s to create an “identity” consumers relate to. Hence Coke is a cheerful, optimistic person who brings people together. Therefore, when you open a Coke, you open happiness. No wonder I prefer bourbon. UNTUCKit is “the confident, relaxed guy who looks good without trying too hard. Therefore you “Wear what feels right.” I wear UNTUCKit, but not because I want to be seen as a confident, relaxed guy. I wear it because I’m short and don’t want my untucked shirt to hang down to my knees.

So brands are trying to become like people, but what’s even crazier is people trying to become brands. “So what are you up to, recently retired athlete, movie star, talk show host, chef,” is a question I’ve heard posed hundreds of times. “I’m working on my brand,” is the usual answer. For example, Martha Stewart is the “warm inviting perfectionist who will teach us how to live beautifully,” I prefer to think of her as the “Dominating witch who knows how to wear an ankle bracelet with style.” At any rate, Al (the character, not artificial intelligence) and the gang are going to try to create their own brand personalities. If you like them, then John and I came up with them. If you don’t ,then blame it on Al (artificial intelligence, not the character).

Fall is here and so are we next week with some more branding work. After all, we did spend a combined 75 years in advertising.

So to all you intelligent readers with style, have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Human Intelligence 09/18/26

Are you becoming more and more dependent on artificial intelligence? Do you turn to Claude, or Chat or Gemini to figure out almost everything? We do. And yet all we read about is how scary AI is. At the New 60 Worldwide Headquarters we have another problem with AI. It’s almost indistinguishable from the spelling of our main character, Al. Case in point, I just asked ChatGPT while writing this blog, “What’s the proper way to spell AI? Should there be a period between the A and the I?” And it told me, “no period.” I then asked them how I should refer to each of them moving forward and it said “Context is important. Example: AI: I asked Al to write my biography.” This is a word for word response from AI (artificial intelligence). I’m glad that clears everything up. Huh???!!!! In comic parlance the combo of question mark and exclamation is called an “interrobang.”

Here’s the thing. We could probably figure all this out ourselves but the more we depend on Al (artificial intelligence), nobody in their right mind would depend on Al, (the human being). Well actually he’s not a human being, he’s a character in a comic strip, but you get the point.

At any rate this week’s comics show us how AI can work for or against us. If you use it to figure out how to get the best deal from a car dealer, they can also use it to find out how to squeeze the most money out of you. We also explore human intelligence, which led us to this question: how smart are we if we create something that doesn’t need us anymore? But I guess that’s sort of like having children.

Have a greatest last official weekend of the summer solstice ( I checked it out with ChatGPT who told me the Fall Equinox doesn’t happen until Sept, 22),

Andy and John

September 11th, 25 Years Ago. 09/11/26

Even though this is supposed to be funny, we would be remiss without mentioning September 11th, 2001. I was taking the train into the city from the NY suburbs on that tragic day when the conductor made an announcement that a “small plane” seems to have crashed into the World Trade Center”. 11 minutes later he said, “This is strange but it seems that another ‘small plane’ has hit it again. If you work in the area, I’d advise you to call in first before going into work.” That was it. Then the train turned a corner by the Harlem River and we could see giant plumes of black smoke rising 10 miles away. We offer our deepest sympathies to those that lost loved ones on that horrible day.

But our job is to try and give you a little, bitty reason to smile today. 25 years ago, John was a good tennis player. And I was a good golfer. Only one of those statements is true. John was a good tennis player. But aging does none of us a favor. And while we’re old, we don’t like to be called old. Or to be called sir as in, “Right this way sir,” when a young hostess seats us at a restaurant. So how do you refer to two guys with the same name? The “other” John handily beats the “old” John. Just saying.

Our other comic came from my 5-year old granddaughter. We were in a car and she was playing the Wizard of Oz soundtrack. After the song, “If I only had a brain” finished playing, there were a couple minutes of silence. Then she asked how the scarecrow could sing if he didn’t have a brain. I tried to explain that he did have a brain, he just didn’t know he had one. To which she asked, “Why didn’t he know that he didn’t have a brain?” I said, “Well…because…you know what? That’s a great question.” And while I didn’t have a great answer, I knew as soon as I told John, we’d turn it into today’s comic.

So that’s a little laughter on this most somber of days. Stay well, stay safe and have a nice weekend. And to our Jewish friends on this Rosh Hashanah, , Shanah Tovah, which roughly translates to “Have a happy and healthy New Year,”

Andy and John

Planned Obsolescence. 09/04/26

No, I’m not talking about when we expire. I’m talking about our phones. You buy the new one on some kind of Verizon, AT&T, TMobile, Boost Mobile, Mint Mobile package. A two-year deal including a “free” iPhone 37 (or whatever number they’re up to now). At first it works great. It’s slimmer, lighter, more screen space and a terrific battery. Although if you’re a guy and keep your phone in your front pocket, the phones are now so big they dig into your thigh. At least mine digs into mine. But that’s beside the point. At least it is after you rearrange the phone in your pocket.

Bur the battery, ohh the battery. As soon as the new contract is almost up, the phone mysteriously starts losing its battery life. Even if you plug it in the night before and wake up to a 100% charged phone, by nighttime you’re screwed. Think about it. How many items do you buy that cost upwards of $1,000 that have to be replaced every couple years? Oh that’s right. Your laptop, tablet, and watch. Apple and Google have you coming and going.

And the more you buy into technology, the more you depend on it. The first iPhone was released in 2007. I was a sprightly 54 years old at the time. Which means I went 53 years without one. My football tickets arrived in the mail. I’d buy movie tickets at the theater. I’d speak to someone and make a plan to meet at 7:00 p.m. and then I’d see the person at 7:00. Or they’d be a couple minutes late. Or I would. But now? Text: I’m running a few minutes behind. Text: That’s okay, take your time. Text: I’m almost there, just a couple blocks away. Text: I’m sitting on the right side, towards the back. Text: Oh I see you now. You’re wearing a red sweater. Text: Where are you? Oh I see you, hi!

No wonder the damn thing runs out of juice. Right now I’m at 98% so I’ve got nothing to worry about except how did my watch battery get so low? Listen, gotta go. Please make sure your batteries are full at 10:15 EST this morning. My watch is telling me it’s time to stand up. Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Uhh, the Phone? 08/28/26

Here’s the trouble with phones. We use them for almost everything. And they run out of battery life.

Remember the movie, “Her?” In it, Joaquin Phoenix has a relationship with a bot on his phone, choosing the bot over a real human. The bot reminds him how funny he is, how handsome he is, etc. He even has “sex” with the bot which constantly reminds him how good he is. This makes him use the phone even more. Imagine if it ran out of juice when he was having “sex” with it. Maybe don’t.

Al and Joanne aren’t like that. They use the phone just when they need to. Trouble is, like most people, they always need to. On this particular night out, they used their phones to buy theater tickets, get a space in a nearby parking lot (which they found on a phone app) directions to drive to the parking lot, directions to walk to the restaurant from said parking lot, download the menu at the restaurant and to read the bio’s of the lead actors in the show.

And then there’s battery life. Why does it always seem to die out when you get to your destination? That requires you to carry a backup battery (I refuse) which doesn’t work because you neglected to charge the backup the night before.

So that’s it for this week. Just make sure your phone is sufficiently charged so you have enough juice to read the comics and blog. Is that asking too much? Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Can You Please Put Your Phone Down? 08/21/26

When I grew up there were wall phones with attached, twisty cords and rotary dials. I’m not going back to the days of Lassie, when you had to call an operator who then placed your call. And sometimes, if they were nosy, they’d listen in to your most private conversations and you’d get caught saying your Aunt Bea was a pain in the butt. Then came the Princess phone which you could use bedside, Then cordless and then, gasp, the cell phone. I once worked with a guy who was 16 years younger than me. Which meant he had a cell phone and was using it exclusively long before I was. I had a cell phone, I just didn’t use it. One time he saw me in the hallway and said, “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you for an hour!” I replied, “How were you trying to reach me?” He said, “I called your mobile phone.” I said, “Oh, I left it in my office.” He replied, “You’re supposed to take it with you, that’s why they call it a mobile phone.” I had to admit he had a point. And from then on, I started carrying this strange device in my pocket. But now it’s gotten out of hand, no pun intended. well, maybe a little bit intended.

These are a few of my pet phone peeves. Sitting down at a restaurant when everyone is making excellent eye contact. With their phones. Answering someone’s question and when you look up at them, they’re staring down at their phone. But sometimes you can’t help it. Somebody says a fact to me like, Remember when the Mets won it all in ‘85?” and I say, “I think it was ‘86.” I will not pull out my phone to prove the other guy wrong unless he says, Got your phone? Check it out.” And then there is the ubiquitous, “So how are the grandkids?” question. Immediately everyone’s phone comes out so we can all share these adorable pictures.

So John and I decided to do a 6-part series pointing out how dependent we’ve become on these phones. Almost everything we do now is on our phones. Finding a good place to park? SpotHero. Need a ticket to an event? StubHub. Hotel? Hotels.com for goodness sake. Just make sure you have enough battery life left. Excuse me, I think I have a call coming in.

That’s it for this week and we will see you next week with parts 3 and 4. Stay tuned, you can even read them on your phone. Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Stuff We Shouldn't Do. 08/14/26

Golf is a fun sport. Sometimes. There are rules. Etiquette. Things people are supposed to do but often don’t. No more than four people can play in one group, but twice I’ve seen a “fivesome” out on the course. This slows everything down. I’ve seen people who don’t know how to play, play. Which slows things down. And most egregious of all, is someone giving a lesson to someone else while people are waiting behind them. “Here, let’s try that again. You take the club back with a straight left arm and you finish with a straight right arm. Like this. No honey, not like that. Like this. Here, let me show you.” All the while you are waiting behind them to take your shot. I was behind this exact scenario a couple weeks ago. Playing with a friend and two other guys the course hooked us up with. Ahead of us was a foursome including a dad teaching his young son. The foursome I was playing in were bitching and moaning the whole time. “Can you believe this guy?” At one point the dad and son finally finish their lesson on the green and then, right before I’m ready to finally hit, the kid comes running back to the green to retrieve the golf club he left lying there.

Now. to be psychologically healthy, you can choose to ignore that kind of stuff. But what fun is that? Finally, on the 14th hole, the lesson giver quits. He comes past us in his cart on the way to the clubhouse. He said something like, “Oh sorry if we took too long, just giving a lesson to my son.” And the two other guys we played with said, “Oh, no problem at all, have a nice day.” In other words, almost exactly what Al and Marv said in the comic. Which once again proves the point John and I have known for 8 years. When stuff goes terribly wrong, at least you can make a comic out of it.

Our other comic deals with politics. We have made a point of not entering into politics. Garry Trudeau has done a wonderful job with that for decades now with Doonesbury. Anytime you bring up politics at a dinner, it almost always turns into a shouting match. It makes former friends hate each other. When the quarterback of my favorite team introduced the current President, I was ready to switch football teams. Then I thought I had no idea who my boyhood heroes like Mickey Mantle or Walt Frazier or Tom Seaver or Lawrence Taylor voted for. I didn’t care. So I will remain a Giants fan. And try to not talk about politics. I’ve been at dinners, like I’m sure we all have, when someone brings up politics and someone else, says, “Please, don’t bring that up.” And then there’s a little bit of silence until the phones come out and we trade “look at my adorable grandchildren” pictures. In our comic, after saying, “Please let’s not talk about politics,” there’s nothing more to say. Enough said. Next week we’ll talk about our reliance on cell phones. Which is an entirely neutral topic. Unless you ask me a question and when I answer, you are looking at your phone.

Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

What Drives Us? 08/07/26

When I was in my 30’s we used to visit my wife’s parents in Florida. Every morning her dad would sit down with a grapefruit, and about six or seven amber bottles of medications. We now have discovered that grapefruit renders your Lipitor ineffective, but back then, who knew? I would think, I’ll never have that many bottles of pills when I get older. Well Max, I’ve got you beat (a battle I had no interest in winning). 7 pills in the morning and 3 more at night. With these medications come instructions. Don’t take your Lipitor when you take a stomach acid reducer, so Lipitor at night, Prilosec in the morning. I then asked a doctor friend is it okay to keep taking Prilosec (omeprazole) every morning, and he said yes, but maybe add a probiotic. And then I also take a gummy with prebiotics. Oh, and wait 30 minutes after the GLP 1 and another 30 minutes after the aforementioned Prilosec. Now that translates into waiting a full hour before eating breakfast, which no longer features grapefruit. Sigh. Ain’t it fun getting older? At least there’s a comic in the process.

Which brings us to our other comic this week about self-driving cars. It is no longer shocking to see a car driving down the street or highway with nobody in the front seat. I know many people are welcoming this technology that allows us to go places without having to drive. I can see the benefits of this (like getting a ride when you had too much to drink) but hey, I like to drive. I’ve read about a future in which nobody has a car. You just call one up on your phone and it comes to get you. The only fun I can see in that is freaking people out when they look into the car you’re sitting in. People do all sorts of dumb stuff while driving. Eating, chatting on the phone, answering text messages, putting on eye makeup, you name it. There’s a famous scene in which Jimmy Kimmel put his Aunt Chippy into a driverless Waymo in order to take her home from his show. The “driver” got out of the car to put her bags in the car and then walked away. As the car pulled out, Aunt Chippy said, “Wait there’s no driver!!!” Pretty funny. Unless you are Aunt Chippy.

So that’s it for this week, the hour is up after my first two morning pills so I can now eat breakfast. And take more pills. See ya next week,

Andy and John

Restaurant Row. 07/31/26

This week we (thankfully) leave the softball field for the restaurant scene. Each scenario has its own set of uhh, challenges. On the softball field it’s injuries and reminders of what you used to be able to do but cannot do any longer. In the restaurant the challenge is being able to hear (if you tell me you don’t struggle with this, I won’t believe you) and also figuring out how to split portions and checks. No, “Yeah but you had two drinks and I didn't have any,” type comments allowed.

There are many indignities delivered upon us as we age. Some nobody can notice from the outside, like having a low level of vitamin D in your blood. Simple. You take a vitamin D pill everyday and no one is the wiser (except you of course, for remedying your vitamin D levels). But things like glasses and hearing aids, well that’s a different story. Because once you start wearing either (or both) you wear them for the rest of your life. I have already succumbed to eyeglasses. My reasoning is, “Hey, even young people wear glasses.” I draw the line at hearing aids. Because they look like something an old guy uses. Maybe because they are. Except in cases of profound hearing loss. I remember playing softball in my early 30’s when two outfielders shouted for the ball, “I’ve got it! I’ve got it!” Then they both slammed into each other, causing the ball to drop. The centerfielder, enraged, yelled at the left fielder, “What are you, deaf?” To which the left fielder replied, “Yes.”

But back to the hearing aids. The supposedly best kind have a piece that sits behind your ear (you can pick out the tone that most resemble your skin tone, but what if I get a sun tan, what then?) and then there’s this little, itty, bitty wire that goes from behind your ear to the piece that actually goes in your ear. I have been to dinner with people wearing them and not noticed, so that’s a possibility, but not for now. Because I have no trouble hearing anything. At all. What’d you say? At any rate, here’s what we say,

Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

And the Ballgame is Over! 07/24/26

For the two or three Met fans remaining in the world, that headline was for you. Every time the Mets win, their longtime announcer says, “And the ballgame is over!” Trouble is, he doesn't get to say that much these days. As for Al and Marv, the ballgame is also over. For good. Last week I wrote about that fact that many of us still think we’re capable of doing the same things we used to be capable of doing. Not me of course, but most people. I used to play softball every summer. And if there were an over-60 league in my town, I might still consider it. I mean everyone else is over 60 as well, so how bad could it be? I’d be fine, except for the throwing part. And diving for a ball, uhhh no. It’s my back, my arm, my surgically repaired knee (not mine, but I threw that in there to get you readers to feel sorry for me), and whatever other injuries people “our age” have. I remember the last ad agency I worked at had a co-ed softball team. I was in my late 50’s. I was on first base after hitting a single. The next batter hit a ground ball and I ran towards second base. A girl, who couldn’t have weighed much more than 100 lbs. was standing on second with both feet waiting for a throw. I slowed up to avoid a collision and was declared out at second. As I ran back to the bench, one guy said, “Slide! Why didn't you take her out?” For those of you unfamiliar with baseball terminology, the guy wasn’t suggesting I ask her out on a date. He was saying I should have slid hard into second base, thereby forcing her to fall and drop the ball. Uhh no.

When you think about it there is a natural progression regarding our athletic abilities or lack thereof. If it’s tennis, you go from singles to doubles to trying your hand at pickleball doubles. I once tried pickleball singles against my son and it did not go well for me. Or golf, where you go from walking 18 holes carrying your bag to 18 holes in a golf cart to 9 holes in a golf cart, to trying to putt the ball through the windmill at your local miniature golf course. Or take jogging. You go from training for the marathon to jogging a couple miles a couple times a week to walking. Once I can’t do that, shoot me. Of course if you do that there would no longer be a comic unless John decided to carry on alone.

Lastly, John and I have discussed what direction the blog should take. Now it’s currently about what life experiences he and I have gone through that led to the comics for that week. We have talked to many younger experts about becoming “influencers” for the over-60 crowd. We both spent many decades in advertising where we had to use our creativity to sell products. The comic allows us to use our creativity to (hopefully) make people laugh. If we became influencers we’d have to go back to selling products. But let’s take a crack at it. Hi boomers! This morning, after a hearty breakfast of Kellogg’s corn flakes and Chiquita bananas, I brushed my teeth with the incredible Oral-B io Series 3 electric toothbrush available at your local Target and fine drug stores everywhere. Are you influenced yet?

Have a great weekend soaking up the sun, but not too much sun. But if you do, don’t forget to apply Coppertone sunscreen, spf 50.

Andy and John

Play Ball! Or at least try. 07/17/26

Is it really already the middle of July? Thoughts turn to midterm elections, World Cup soccer and of course, over-60 softball. We laughed about it. We hinted at it, but this week, Marv and Al actually take the field. If you thought Marv was sad huffing his way to second base, you ain’t seen nothing. I actually once played in a league where the batter could ask for a pinch runner while he was at bat. So if the batter hit a ground ball, another person would run to first base for him. If you need someone to run to first base for you, you shouldn’t be playing. Unless you’re on crutches, and if you are, you really shouldn’t be playing. There are leagues catering to the disabled And that is wonderful. There is even a ball that makes noise to enable a form of blind softball. Beautiful. But to me, being overweight doesn’t qualify. Not that John or I would know anything about that.

The thing that younger people should know about older people is that even though our bodies can’t do what they once did, we still think they can do what they once did. I can still throw the ball from third base to first base. But rather than flying straight through the air, the ball has to take a couple bounces before it gets there. Okay, a lot of bounces. I can still run around the bases. It just takes me longer. Much longer. Much, much longer.

Here’s another example of how we see ourselves. After the kids grew up and left the house, we moved to an apartment complex that doesn't call itself a 50+ community, but in fact is a 50+ community. The advertising emphasizes stuff like, no more having to carry your trash cans up the driveway. No more shoveling snow, raking leaves, etc. Sure there are a couple young families with young kids but they are the exception. So we moved in when the apartment building section of the community opened. There was a grand “getting to know you” type event at the “clubhouse.” We went. And gasped. We whispered to one another, “Wow those people look old,” without once thinking how old we looked to them. Obviously much younger. Clearly. I’m fine with aging, just as long as I don’t turn to water aerobics wearing a bathing cap. Although now that I think of it, my back hurts, my knees can’t take the pounding of a two-mile jog and the pool looks very inviting in the 85-degree heat. And the bathing cap protects my bald head from the ravages of the sun. Just let me make sure nobody’s looking…

Enjoy the weekend and we will see you next week,

Andy and John

Spring Training. 07/10/26

Marv and Al are invited to play in an Over-60 softball league. There’s nothing inherently wrong with an Over-60 softball league. I mean, what could go wrong? It’s a sport where you do a lot of standing around and then suddenly you have to run or sprint (at least what looks like a sprint) or dive (well nobody over 60 really dives for the ball anymore) or lunge. There’s a lot of lunging going on due to the fact that we can’t really sprint or dive. And lunging with a not properly stretched out body can lead to all sorts of insults to one’s hamstrings, glutes…you name it. And how about having to thrust your arm up for a ball that’s hit over your head due to the aforementioned lack of speed and agility? Your rotator cuff or cuffs won’t appreciate it. Trust me.

So that’s the physical part. But the mental part is also interesting. If you are like me or John, it goes something like this: I can still do it, I’ve still got it. Time to do a little pre-game prep. Now where did I put my glove, sliding shorts, rubber cleats, softball, any or all of the above? Let me ask my wife. She knows where everything is, even if it’s in our storage locker, for which we pay a monthly fee to store stuff we no longer use, but just might someday. Well, someday has come. Wait, you threw it out???? You know that was my favorite glove. That’s the same glove I won the college intramural championship with. It fit my hand perfectly. Like a hand in a glove. Well, not like a hand in the glove, exactly like a hand in the glove. Now what am I gonna do? Now how am I gonna play? On second thought, thank you very much for throwing it away, Now I have a legitimate excuse for not playing.

But not to worry. Al and Marv are going to show off their skills and play next week. As for John, it’s tennis as long as it’s doubles. And for me it’s golf as long as it’s in a cart. Tune in next week, same bat time, same bat channel, as Marv and Al take the field. As for me, it’s off to golf. But only nine holes.

Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

60 Years Young. 07/03/26

There’s this funny thing that happens when we age, (or at least when I age). Although our bodies can’t do what they used to do, our minds refuse to admit it. At least a little bit. Case in point: a good friend shows you a picture of his college-age granddaughter dressed provocatively and you say, some form of, “Wow she looks so happy, she’s got a great smile, or she must have all the guys chasing after her,” but what you’re really thinking is…enough said on this particular topic. And what the hell does it have to do with softball? Plenty. Because we still think we have it, at least a little bit. No, you’re not going to go diving headfirst for a ground ball, but if the ball is hit where you can reach it, you will make the play. And of course the ensuing throw to first base will be no trouble at all. But the reality is you can’t bend as easily, you have lost a lot of arm strength and flexibility through the natural result of aging, but again, you don’t have to hurry the throw because the guy running to first hasn’t even made it out of the batter’s box.

Let’s get this straight. I was the captain of my college intramural softball team in St. Louis and the captain of a team in New York after that, filled with former college teammates in St. Louis, who now lived in New York. We were called the Idle Minds, because this is what we did in our idle time. Now lest you think, “Wow, you must be a pretty great athlete, being the captain and all,” I feel it necessary to admit I was only the captain because I did the work of putting the team together and registering them. Partly because I was willing to put the work in and partly (mostly) because this was the only way I could make the starting lineup. Because I made the starting lineup.

This comic series revolves around an invitation to Marv and Al to play in an Over-60 League, which means you can only play if you’re over 60. I played a few years on an Over-40 team in Westchester County, where we lived when our kids were growing up. At one point I fielded a ball at second base, and tossed it underhand to the shortstop who missed turning a double play by an eyelash. The first baseman turned to me and said, “Why didja toss it underhand, you shoulda thrown it overhand.” To which I responded, “Why are you so fat that you need someone to run to first base after you hit the ball?” We almost came to blows before the more mature people on the squad calmed us down. That was it for me in Over-40 softball, over-50, over-60 and now, yikes I could qualify for an Over-70 team if something even exists. “Batting first for the Tarrytown Assisted Living League, Andy…” Nope, that was it for yours truly. John played and coached soccer, playing in the occasional over-40 and over-50 tournaments. His last league soccer game was playing with a bunch of 20 and 30-somethings in a league in Manhattan. Okay it was a seven-a-side league on shorter fields (less running) but he did manage to score a goal, to the wide-eyed amazement of the younger players who referred to him as “the bald guy” as in, “You cover number 10, I have the bald guy.”

That’s it for this week. We will see you next week with another two in this series. Have a beautiful summer weekend,

Andy and John

Chew on This. 06/26/26

We have officially stuck a pin into our acupuncture series with our third and final installment. I think there are no stupid questions about acupuncture because no one (except hopefully the acupuncturist) knows anything about it. Well we know it’s an ancient Chinese therapy, and if anything has the prefix “ancient Chinese” I for one, am pretty sure it works.

Speaking of stupid questions I once took a class in TM, more commonly known as Transcendental Meditation. The yogi said, “Any questions,” and when he was met with silence he said, “Don’t be shy, there are no stupid questions. So I asked the yogi (whose name was Stanley Katz by the way - who described himself as a Jewdist or Jewish Buddhist) a question, “Could I do TM while lying down or did I have to be sitting upright? To which he responded, “That’s a stupid question,” and I’m sure that came from the Jewish side of his Jewdist beliefs. And In case you were wondering, TM is not an AC (ancient Chinese) therapy, it’s actually Indian, invented by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the same guy the Beatles studied with. As soon as I finish this blog, I’m off for my final acupuncture treatment of the summer. Followed by some TM, or possibly a slice of pepperoni pizza. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Which brings us to our second comic, called “Decisions.” A typically healthy male decision goes something like this, “I want pizza. Should I get the pepperoni or the mushroom and sausage? Hmm, my cardiologist says I should cut down on meat, so I’ll go with the plain margherita pizza.” Nowhere does the the thought come in, “is pizza really the healthiest choice? I mean the salad looks good but with bleu cheese and a creamy balsamic vinegar, it’s probably just as many calories as the pizza, so the hell with it, I’ll have the pizza.” Women on the other hand are far more realistic and intelligent about their health (my wife reads the blog - I had to say that. And John reminds me that about 60% of our audience is women. Plus I really believe it.) In a restaurant women say the quiet part out loud, “Can I have the chopped salad please. No onions, no cheese, extra tomato and the dressing on the side?” Not that I’m generalizing or anything. So the women get the healthier choice. The reason men don’t do that is that if they thought about the calories in the dressing and cheese they’d say, “Screw it, I’ll have the pizza with mushroom, sausage AND pepperoni.”

The one thing I’m very prudent about in my diet is the strict avoidance of vegetables. I’m very good about that. As a female friend once told me, “Did you ever have cauliflower crust pizza? It’s pretty good.” So I went to Trader Joe’s and bought one. When she asked me how I liked it, I said, “Not so much.” She asked, “Why?” I repsonded, “Because the crust tastes like cauliflower.” Have a great weekend

Andy and John

Acu-what? 06/19/26

It makes sense, right? I mean you’ve got a chronic pain somewhere, the knee, the back and for me the neck (I know there are many that consider me a pain in the neck but I actually have a pain in the neck.) It makes sense when you are suffering to seek somebody out who will stick multiple pins in you to help you to feel better. In the hands of the right person, it actually works. But the practice is weird enough to make a 3-comic series out of it. All the misconceptions from people who have never done it (like John) to people who have done it (like me). Sure they stick needles around my neck area, but also in my thigh, the side of my hand, my ankle and god knows where else (no, not there.) The needles block the pain from the nerve to reach the brain, or something like that. As a now experienced acupuncture recipient I do have this one bit of advice: do not roll over onto your back. Like ever.

How did this chronic pain in the neck happen? I was 24 years old, in other words, as Don McLean once famously sang, “A long, long time ago.” I was starting my first job in advertising in 7/7/77 and NW Ayer, Chicago. I was so excited (and very nervous) so when they asked me one day, “You wanna play on our softball team?” I jumped at the chance. I had to work right up until it was time to leave for the game. When I got there they asked me if I wanted to play in the infield or outfield, and I immediately chose infield because 1) I’m better at that and 2) I have trouble catching fly balls. One thing you should know about Chicago softball, they don’t use mitts. Nope, they play with a larger ball (16-inch circumference vs the usual 12-inch) so after a couple of batters hit it, it becomes progressively softer. I get there without warming up, but hey, I’m 24. And they put me at third base. The very first ball is a hard shot right at me, I catch it and it hurts, but I’m not gonna yell “oww” because I’m a dumb 24-year old. Instead I was going to show them how strong a throwing arm I had. I threw a laser beam to first base. The only trouble is that it was eight feet over the first baseman’s head. Immediately upon letting the ball go I felt something tear in my right rotator cuff and it still bothers me almost 50 years later. In fact, it hurts even writing about it. And to set the record straight, I’m way better at second base and it’s a much, much shorter throw.

So that’s it for writing about acupuncture (one more comic next week), I have to run to my appointment today. The acupuncturist is going to open my bladder channel in order to relieve my neck pain. Don’t ask, but do have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Excuuuuuse Us. 06/12/26

We seemed to have touched a nerve with a comic we also posted on Facebook last week. It’s the comic in which the kid asks Al’s son Sid what will he get for working a few extra hours one night. Sid tells him he gets the reward of helping the company. But the kid, not falling for it says, “No really boss, what do I get?” This infuriated a few Gen Z’ers on Facebook. Well actually 14,000 of them. If we were petty we’d point out that they were getting this comic for free, now weren’t they? So that is where we came from. Our joke was the next generation explaining to the generation below them… oh forget it. Instead we will quote the humorist, E.B. White, who said: “Humor can be dissected, as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process.” In other words, Get the f@%k over it!”

Moving on to this week, our first comic was one of those “what were they thinking?” kind of comics. Yes it’s true, they used to sell chemistry sets with radioactive uranium in them. But we thought that hiding under a desk would save us from a nuclear bomb so it wasn’t really an issue.

As you know, the World Cup officially opened yesterday. The ticket prices are outrageous. In addition, every hotel, rental car, train ticket and restaurant have jacked up their prices to astonishing levels. Although they don’t seem so astonishing compared to trying to see a Knick NBA Finals game in Madison Square Garden, where a seat close enough to actually see the game will run you about $15,000 per ticket. If you want to sit way up high where you can’t see the players so you end up watching them on the Jumbotron screen in the Garden, it’s only $4700. Such a deal. So Al’s son Sid, being an internet multimillionaire, invites Al to the luxury box he’s bought through his company. I once went to a Knick game in one of those suites and, just like in the comic, most everyone had their backs to the court, oblivious to the game. Not only would they not know the score, they’d be hard pressed to tell you who was playing. I imagined if you asked them they’d say, “It’s ummm, the Knicks against uh, against…bartender, another Jack and Coke please.”

So please have a great weekend and if you’re watching the NBA Finals or the World Cup, turn on the tv. It’s much cheaper like that.

Andy and John