AL COMMITS AGEISM, YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, AL 8/23/19

Our first idea came from an article Andy’s son Greg sent to Andy. It was about 40 being the new 60. Did anyone say The New 60? The article talked about the last allowable prejudice in these politically correct times. Ageism. The author was saying 40 now seemed old and he felt as if it was perceived the same as being 60 was, hence The New 60. Great article Greg and thanks for the insight. That got us to wondering, are we all subject to ageism, and are we guilty of it, even if we ourselves are seniors? Who among us hasn’t encountered an older person behind the counter at a fast food restaurant, at a Starbucks, or selling running shoes and wondered, aren’t you a little old for this? And the answer is no. If you can do it, then do it. I mean we’re not applying for the Olympic 400 meter relay team. Al confronts such a situation in his fledgling chain store, Pizza on a Stick.

The next idea came from a trip to the Vermont Country Store. Really, that’s what it’s called. They had all sorts of great food, jams, cheeses breads and the like, but, if you are a person of a certain age, they had all this nostalgic stuff from your childhood. 6 oz coke bottles, gummy lemon wedges and orange peels, Colorforms, and toys you’d think don’t exist anymore like, Rock’em Sock ‘em Robots. To us they seem like the coolest things ever made, and we say cliched stuff such as, “they don;t make ‘em like that anymore.” To the younger generation it’s, “yawn, you think this holds a candle to Play Station? Really? Have you ever played Madden 2019? Even once?

No. Because it’s not as good as Rock ‘em Sock ‘em and (if we’re really honest), we’d be terrible at it.

That’s it for this week. See you again next Friday. Have a great last weekend before Labor Day, and stop working so much, will ya’?

The New 60.

The emoji challenge and steel traps 8/16/19

We had two emoji ideas. We ran the last one and now present the current one. The thing with emoji’s is you don’t have to write words, which seemingly takes Andy out of the equation. But you have no idea how easy it is to find things to argue about. “No, the cop can’t write out the speeding ticket, too complicated.” “What the hell does 100 mean? Was he going 100 miles per hour? Or did he get a $100 ticket?” For those of you who have taken the time to try to figure out the emoji puzzle and gone to the blog, you deserve a reward. Here is the emoji plot. Sam gets a new car. Loves it. The guys approve. Sam goes 100 mph. A cop stops him and although Sam pleads with the policeman to let him go, the cop is hearing nothing of the kind. Marv stifles a laugh. And that’s it. Pretty clear, right? At least to us.

The next idea, which actually appears first, comes from an incident where Andy remembered something in detail from his past, amazing his friend. But then he couldn’t remember what he and his friend were talking about in the first place. We are quite sure none of our readers have ever experienced moments like that, right?

On a different note, we will soon be asking you to vote on which past comics are your favorites as we go about compiling the list for our first collection.

Have a nice weekend and we wish you happy short and long term memories. Two new ones next week, before the Labor Day break. Yes, even comic strips take the occasional break. We think.

Andy and John

On bald heads, shampoo and learning Spanish 8/09/19

Let’s get something straight. Bald jokes are NOT funny. Okay? You think anybody WANTS to be bald? They don’t. Which gets us to shampoo. The funny part isn’t using shampoo on a bald head, well, maybe it’s a little bit funny, but the REALLY funny part is not being able to read the label, ‘cause who wears glasses in the shower? This causes many complications. For instance, which bottle is the shampoo, which is the conditioner and which one is body wash? And if you accidentally pour body wash on your bald head, does it really make a difference? Here’s a hint. We were both in advertising for over 3 decades (and worked on Herbal Essences Shampoo among other products) and the actual LATHER doesn’t even make a difference. The manufacturers just make the shampoo suds up because they know YOU think it makes a difference. At any rate, this first comic isn’t about any of that. It’s about your memory. Or lack thereof. Did I lather, rinse and repeat, or have I just lathered for the first time. Another hint, once is enough. Even if you’ve got a full head of hair, but that’s another story for another time.

Onto our other comic this week. A suggestion came from one of our readers to tackle the subject of foreign travel. A subject near and dear to the hearts of our audience. Who among us hasn’t wished they had taken time to learn the native language, once they’re in a foreign country? Reading a menu, giving directions to a taxi driver, asking a person on the street how or where to get or see something. Many of us think that if we just speak more slowly and much louder, with a lot of hand gestures thrown in, we can get our point across. Not so for our intrepid character Al. He goes the full Rosetta Stone. Only problem is he happens to learn the wrong language.

That’s it for this week. Enjoy the beautiful August sunshine and we’ll see you next week. In the words of Mets slugger Pete Alonso, LFGM (Let’s F-ing Go Mets!)

Andy and John

CUTTING THE CORD 8/02/19

Maybe you’re a Mets fan. Maybe you’re not. But if you’re not, please don’t look down on those of us who are (both of us). The point is when you move - John to a new house and Andy to a summer rental - it’s hard to get the ballgames. Or what happens if you’re not finished with Game of Thrones and the new place doesn’t get HBO? Anybody for Killing Eve? Oh, just watch it on Hulu. But what if I don’t get Hulu? Oh, no problem, you can get it on BBC America. Huh?

You get the idea. As time marches on, it seems that things become more and more complicated. Like feeding parking meters, changing stations on the car radio, turning on the tv, and once it’s turned on, accessing the very thing you wanted to watch in the first place.

The good news is, once you get it, you have more and better options than ever before. Andy once saw A Star is Born with his daughter, then on the ride home, managed to get his phone to play the soundtrack through his car speakers and get turn by turn directions all at the same time! He felt as if he were the reincarnation of Einstein. The possibilities are endless. If we can figure out how to access all the data available to us, it truly makes life easier. If.

As you have figured out (and likely read by now) weaning yourself off cable was the subject for not one, but BOTH of our comics this week. Our kids have largely done it, but for us — different story. And even when it gets explained in person, it’s still, shall we say, unclear. It’s kinda like with math. You’ve got to learn to add and subtract before you know how to multiply and divide. And in the end, you might, as one of us did, just stick with cable. After all, those Mets are looking good these days.

See you next week and we promise, we’ll move on to subjects we actually understand.

The New 60

Is anybody listening, and what’s with all the emojis???? 7/26/19

A few months ago we read about a case in which Alexa overheard an actual fight that preceded a murder. At the end of the day the Alexa “evidence” was not admissible in court. But it got us to thinking, is Alexa or Siri or Google for that matter always listening? Or do you first have to activate it by saying the key phrase, Hey Google? In the murder case, the guy never said, hey Alexa, is it okay to commit murder? He just went ahead and did it and yet Alexa overheard. So buyers beware. It’s okay to say, Hey Siri, play me Steely Dan’s Countdown To Ecstasy, or Hey Google, can you turn up the air conditioning. But, is it okay to say things you’d rather not be recorded? In other words, is Siri spying. When we asked “her” that question, she simply replied, “Nope.” And we had our first comic.

The next one gave us fits. It was John’s idea. Thanks a heap John. He saw that it was just World Emoji Day and wanted to do a comic where the only thing said is in emoji form. I don’t like emojis. I also don’t like text shortcuts like LOL. I’ll decide if I want to LOL, OK? On a deeply personal issue, one of us actually experienced today’s embarassing emoji comic in their past, but we will never reveal which one of us puked on a Ferris Wheel. Exclamation marks are another issue (a personal issue for Andy only) but we make exceptions for them in the comic world. Actually , John said they worked in comics when you can’t hear the dialogue, I heartily disagreed. He challenged me to an arm wrestle, and well, guess who won??!!!!!!

In other news, we spoke to a millennial friend today who explained our comic is about transitioning. We told him we were happy staying as men, but he explained we were about the transition from working a fulltime job into a life of retirement which also still includes work, just not as much of it. At least the part that pays. He also said we should be “influencers” for our generation, so consider yourselves influenced.

We will be back next week when it’s time to transition to the beach house. But how do you get the Mets on the beach house tv? Not so easy. Not if you’re part of The New 60. Which of course, is a topic for next week.

Have a great weekend and make sure you read the blog, oh wait, if you got this far, you’ve already read it. As Gilda used to say, “Never mind.”

Andy and John

It's bath time, and it's time to Return to the "drug"store 7/19/19

  • Remember the marijuana dispensary where Marv did a face plant? Of course you do, that was just last week. Well, the boys decided to give it another shot. But your intrepid creators, who actually did a field trip (without either of us falling down), were wondering why was the place called Wellness? Andy and his wife just stayed at a “wellness hotel” in Brooklyn (the Even Hotel, which is a little odd, paradoxically) and there was nothing but a bunch of exercise equipment in each room, including a foam roller and a yoga mat. And of course, an array of non-caffeinated, herbal teas. Now if that was wellness, how could a store selling pot in all its new guises, be part of wellness. Why don’t they just come out and say, “this one is a light, easy high, and this one will really get you fucked up?” Why instead do they talk about “states of relaxation and creativity boosts?” After our careers in advertising, we have a good idea. Because the second thing sounds therapeutic and good where the first one sounds hedonistic, which is … bad! It’s like in politics where you don’t say you are for or against anything. You say “I think it’s a matter of each state choosing individually.” Here we’re not about getting high, perish the thought. We are about “Wellness.”

  • Our other script this week comes out of a well-intentioned bath that Andy was giving his then-toddler daughter Ali (sorry for embarassing you Ali, but heck, you were just 2 or 3 years old.) Anyway, Andy, who at the time was writing a script for a Pillsbury commercial, brought home a squishy rubber Pillsbury Doughboy, which Ali immediately named “Doughby.” Doughby instantly became one of her favorite bath toys. As Ali was playfully splashing around, Andy noticed Doughby had a lot of water sloshing around inside him. So Andy helpfully suggested he wanted to fix Doughby, lifted him out of the bath, calmly pulled his head off and dumped the water back in the tub. Ali’s completely normal reaction is forever captured in our second comic. Rumor (and a very highly placed rumor at that) has it Andy is still smarting over that one.

    That’s all for this week, and enjoy the weekend, all 110 degrees of it.

    Andy and John

Research. It’s a dirty job but someone’s got to do it 7/12/19

We at the New 60 realize viewers have come to expect a certain level of professionalism from this comic strip. We go the extra mile to bring you high-quality laughs- no short cuts taken here, nosiree. It is with this attention to detail in mind that we bring you this week’s two comics and tell you about a recent field trip we went on, all in the name of research. While strolling the aisles of our local supermarket, we noticed how many different versions of popular products there are- line extensions are what we used to call it when we wore our marketing hats. That inspired our first comic. But it’s not just packaged goods that tempt consumers with a wealth of choices. And that leads us to our second comic which we “researched” at an entirely different kind of supermarket.

Al is, shall we say, perturbed at the over 20 varieties of Triscuit crackers he encounters. In the old days if we wanted cheese on a Triscuit, we’d put cheese on for a savory taste. You didn’t need Gouda flavored Triscuits. And if we craved a sweeter taste, we’d put jelly on a triscuit. Or suppose you wanted a thinner cracker? Well then you’d buy Wheat Thins. Not Thin Wheat Triscuits. Really it’s okay to have a little competition. One company doesn’t have to own every variety of every cracker. It’s enough to turn us back into, gasp, bread eaters (but only the gluten free kind). And when’s the last time you checked the cereal aisle? Let me decide what I want to put on my Cheerios. Don’t let some “marketing genius” artificially flavor them for me. And Special K? Fuhgeddaboutit. Just don’t get Al (or either of us) started on this vitally important topic.

Next, we conducted extensive research at one of the new, and very popular, legal marijuana dispensaries. Like we said… no stone unturned (or is it no turn unstoned?) Who knew a simple thing like pot could become as complicated as Triscuits? There’s old fashioned weed, now called flower, vape pens, chocolate candies, grape flavored gummies, something called tinctures, which you take with a dropper and then wax, shatter, pre rolled…you get the idea. And when they start talking about hybrid blends of indica and sativa and ratio of cbd to thc, you need a PhD to understand what’s going on. It makes us long for a simpler time.

Enough ranting for this week. Enjoy the blog, the comics and we will be back at you next week, with two fresh ones. And no, we won’t be offering a Gouda flavored alternative to either comic.

The New 60

Our comic, Fireworks and the "Honey Do" list 7/5/19

The more we do these posts, the more time flies. We remember last year’s 4th of July post like it was yesterday. We went digital on May 18th, of 2018 (not far from Andy’s May 15th birthday) but while one of us turned 65 that year, the New 60 was born. Many thanks to all of you who continue to support and follow us. We are currently working on a coffee table book with 100 or so of our favorite comics, annotated by John and Andy. Whenever that happens, rest assured, you will be notified. Keep your credit cards handy. Just a suggestion.

So now that we’re over a year old, we’re on our second Happy 4th of July poster featuring our characters in a unique way. John conceived this all by himself, but Andy has no problem accepting total credit. What, we were in advertising, remember?

The actual comic strip this week is also themed around July 4th. And around the “Honey Do” list. To those who are unfamiliar with the concept, allow us to explain. Honeydews are one of the most delicious types of melon you can eat. They are fabulous. Honey Do’s, not so much. When you are no longer in advertising, (like John and Andy), and your wives ae still working at their full time jobs (like John’s and Andy’s), it makes you a perfect candidate for the Honey Do list. “Honey, do you mind picking up the dry cleaning on the way to your co-working space? Honey, do you mind picking up the groceries? Honey, our friends are staying over for the 4th, so get the beer, the food, fix the grill oh, and maybe some herbs and flowers for the planter, it’s on your way.” And when you are no longer commuting into Manhattan every day, what else can you say but “Yes dear.” Now some of us might mutter under our collective breaths while we are doing said errands, but not John and me (at least not John). Anyway, it is with this insight over this holiday that inspired our strip for the week. But if you’re reading this, you’ve probably already read the strip.

Enjoy the fireworks but don’t shoot them off by yourself. As NY Giant fans painfully remember, superstar defensive lineman JPP tried that and ended up blowing off two of his fingers, which didn’t exactly help his contract status (THAT took a dark turn, didn’t it?) So enjoy the long weekend, your friends and family and we’ll be back at you next week with two more misadventures of the New 60.

Andy and John

On Cannonballs and pork 6/28/19

Our first strip came out of an actual incident at a totally hip purveyor of new age food (lotsa kale and gluten free offerings) in, where else, Brooklyn. The motivation for this comic came after a wild night of Karaoke followed next morning by a hike in Prospect Park. One of us (Andy) was hungry and stopped into Brooklyn Larder, the aforementioned hipster foodie place. Seeing nothing that looked vaguely appetizing, his eyes finally lit upon a quiche. He was hoping it was quiche lorraine which contains, gasp, ham and cheese. The counter guy was so steeped in CBB (Contemporary Brooklyn Culture) he misread his customer and assured Andy there was absoutely no ham or cheese involved. John, with his usual laser-like focus turned this into an attack on all things pork and when the counterman finally got what was going on, took the comic into a much better place - a play on the cliche, “Two rules. 1)The customer is always right, and 2) if he’s not, see rule #1. Note, Andy had a properly unhealthy lunch in boring Westchester a bit later.

The next strip is a celebration of the upcoming summer. There is a universal truth about people in their 60’s and beyond (unless you’re a bodybuilder or European underwear model - no offense Melania). We’re all a little self-conscious when it comes to taking our shirts off and hanging out in our bathing suits. This is totally not true in Europe where the celebrated Riviera features sagging bellies and boobs clad in nothing more than tight speedos. But we digress. We decided to have fun with a pool party, That the party is thrown by a ridiculously fit couple who love showing off their bodies, only adds to the discomfort everyone is feeling. With one notable exception, who makes a verrry large entrance.

As Porky Pig used to say in his stutter which would now be poltically incorrect to the max, th-th-th-that’s all folks!

Have a great weekend

The New 60

Keeping fit, sort of 6/21/19

Getting to retirement age (voluntarily or involuntarily) is different than it used to be. Our generation refuses to believe it’s getting older. Trust us, we‘re getting older. Thus a proliferation of high end bike trips, hiking trips, excuuuse me, hiking excursions, surfing lessons, parachuting and heliskiing are all the rage these days. It’s like we’re screaming, I’m not getting older! It is within this rage that half of the New 60 team, (Andy) took a hiking trip with his wife Joanie to Mallorca a few months ago. Joanie’s brother, Buzzy, had just turned 70 and wanted to celebrate in this way. The trip was expertly led by Buzzy’s son Michael (who is ridiculously fit) and included 10 people all 65+. We would walk as much as 8-10 miles a day, up mountains and over rocky terrain. The good news was the guilt free eating and drinking that followed. A couple of the group failed to show for dinner a couple of nights, because they were so tired from the hiking. Our first comic imagines what would have happened if they DID show up for dinner. One further note, there is no such thing as “you are free to eat and drink as much as you want afterwards.” One of us managed to log nearly 50 miles walking and managed to gain 4 pounds. Truth.

Our other topic deals with the fun of dating in your 60’s. What happens when it gets serious? Do you really need to get married again? What if she wants you to meet her father? Which means her father is still alive, by the way. We love situations like these, because they are so loaded with things we all think, but are too diplomatic to say. You want me to to meet your father? How old is he? And do you really still need his permission. Like really? So we took a shot at what might happen in this situation with our dedicated single guy, Craig. Think George Constanza, only tall, good looking and a WASP.

That’s all she (even though we’re both guys) wrote for now. Have a terrific weekend and we’ll be back to you next week with two new ones, hot off the press.

The New 60

Decluttering and other fun topics 6/14/19

Hey, it happens to all of us. The kids grow up, get jobs, and move out of the house. Suddenly the place becomes cavernous. The school taxes are ridiculous, especially since the aforementioned kids are no longer in school. You and your partner think, what are we doing in this money pit? And you move. But first you have to declutter. Out go the kids’ lacrosse sticks, their old cleats, field hockey sticks, art projects, report cards, in short, stuff you saved simply because you had the room to store (and lacked the courage to toss it). It’s easy to get rid of somebody else’s old junk, but what about your own? Surely your new abode can’t accommodate your out of favor exercise equipment, Bowflex, Heavy Hands, ab rollers, etc. It may hurt to give these up for pennies on the dollar, but very few people want them. One of us recalls going out for a run during his yard sale and returning home seeing his old Nordic Track ski trainer in an open trunk, driving down the street. Upon returning to the house, he asked the auctioneer, “so how much did that go for,” and the auctioneer proudly announced, “We got $50 for it.” Forget that it cost $600 new. So if you are considering downsizing, you’ve got two basic alternatives, sell everything you can’t fit into your smaller living quarters for a mere pittance or…don’t move. The choice is yours, our friends. It’s a painful topic, but it makes an entertaining comic strip. At least we hope so.

Our other area this week is computer bots, or in longhand, robots. You know when you get asked to check a box saying “I am not a robot?” and then that isn’t good enough so you have to check how many cars are in the block of pictures, or how many crosswalks or how many cars? And who takes those godawful blurry photographs in the first place??? If you’re reading this blog, you’ve been asked all these questions just to get on our mailing list. It’s a security problem, say the experts. You need this because it’ll protect your readers from being bothered by other internet marketers. Personally, let the damn robots have their day. Just don’t ask me if I’m one of them, okay? So it is both aggravating and the topic of one this week’s comics.

Please enjoy them and let us know what you think in the comments section below. We answer everything we get.

Have a terrific weekend and we’ll see you next Friday. Well we won’t “see you” see you, but you get the drift.

The New 60

Unplugging 6/7

Yeah, we know it’s a little strange writing a blog about unplugging while on a laptop computer. As Alanis Morissette once sang, “Isn’t it Ironic”? And this week, both our comics are about ways to unplug and de-stress. One is about a thing we’ve been doing long before it became a thing. We call it, “taking a walk in the woods.” But it turns out that’s an ancient Japanese custom called Shinrin-Yoku or “Forest Bathing.” Who knew? We stumbled upon it while doing research for a advertising a wood treatment product. It turns out the decaying trees on the ground coupled with the smells of growing trees and leaves give off beneficial smells that reduce stress hormones in men and women. And it’s a slow walk, not a forced hike. But warning, you’ve got to take off the wireless Beats, Bose or Apple headphones and listen to stuff like the birds chirping and the wind rustling the leaves and the babbling brooks. Why do we need this? Well, I can only speak for myself (Andy) but I can often be found watching a Mets game on my tv, while doing the crossword on my iPad and pausing to shoot off an occasional text on my iphone. All this while receiving a bump on the wrist from my apple watch telling me it’s time for deep breathing. We thought the name “forest bathing” cried out for fun and we hope we provided it.

The other comic comes from experience. These Fitbit wrist bands and apple watches are great if you need external motivation to get going. But what if you don’t? Then it becomes annoying as hell. Both John and I have had recent incidents when we took off our watches or bands for some reason, did some heavy physical activity, and then realized we hadn’t put the watch/band back on. Heavens! Sure we got the benefits of the exercise but it totally didn’t count because we didn’t record it. You know, if a tree falls and no one hears it, does it make a sound? So we tackled the absurdity of our reliance on these all-encompassing devices that serve to remind us we have failed miserably as human beings on a daily basis. And we pay good money to find out!

So anyway dear readers, show technology who’s boss this week. Turn off your phone, okay but what if your kids call and they are in trouble? Turn off your tv, but how can I watch the Mets? Turn off your laptop, but how can I read my ebook, and for god’s sake toss away the Fitbit, except I’m about to get my congratulatory 10,000 step thingie. Ya know what? Forget the whole thing and if you gotta plug in, at least make sure you plug into the New 60.

Thanks and have a great weekend.

The New 60

Made in the shade 5/31/19

Last weekend was Memorial Day, a long weekend. That’s cool but at least one of us (Andy) was totally unaware of it, until it was upon us. Now, there’s nothing wrong with a long weekend - in fact they are great - but the prospect of a long weekend loses a little of its excitement when you’re not working 5 days a week in the first place. Does that sound like whining? Okay, it is whining. Forget we mentioned it. We’d still rather play golf, tennis, go for a bike ride or go to Costco on a random Wednesday rather than on a long weekend. All of which has absolutely nothing to do with our two new comics this week.

The first one grew from John’s fevered imagination. As is true of most creative people, we spent far too much time watching tv in our misspent youths. In addition to such stalwarts as Leave it to Beaver, Father Knows Best (how would that title go down in the #metoo era?), Bonanza and The Brady Bunch, John partook in Petticoat Junction. Think about pitching this show to the networks: “Okay, I’ve got a great idea. Here’s how it opens. These three hot girls go skinny dipping in the water tower and even though we can’t show them naked, we’ll have them toss their petticoats over the side of the water tower so everyone will know they’re naked. It’s high concept, trust me.” We wondered what our kids would think if they watched that now. We think it would go firmly into the “what the hell were they thinking” category. And that it would make a pretty good comic.

The second comic comes from real life. Many of our friends have kids who are either getting married or having kids of their own. A couple weeks ago some friends threw a co-ed baby shower for their daughter, who was months away from delivering a grandchild. It was remarkable that so many men attended, and it turned out to be fun. No opening of presents and saying oooh and ahhhh, as the gifts were opened, this was just good food, good drink and fun with friends. It was held at our friends’ house with it’s big, beautifully landscaped, sun-dappled backyard. The other remarkable thing about the party was how everyone struggled to avoid the sun. Over the length of the afternoon party, the sun took over from the shade and everyone kept moving their chairs or tables or blankets into an increasingly smaller and smaller patch of shade until…comic #2.

By the way, if you wonder why our doctors keep recommending we take a vitamin D supplement, it’s because we don’t get enough damn sun. Just saying.

Have a great weekend and we’ll see you next Friday.

The New 60

The more things change...5/24/19

Here’s what we like about our 60’s. Freedom of schedule. Riding a bike, playing golf or tennis, going to a movie or play in the middle of the week instead of when it’s crowded on weekends, babysitting our grandkids. Here’s what we don’t like. Aches, pains, trips to the doctors, babysitting our grandkids’ dogs. More on that in a minute.

Our first strip this week comes from our Then and Now series. You remember. Those are the ones that contrast what we used to do with what we now do (notice we resisited the urge to say “do do”). A personal favorite contrasted the way we used to pass around a joint (those round, twisty things before vape pens) to the way we now pass around reading glasses when trying to read a menu. This new one deals with the world of cars. We used to think a spoiler looked cool as hell, now we think it does what it says, spoils the look of the car. One of us is having some trouble with his car at this very moment and nothing looks sexier than reliability. Voila, comic #1.

Our second strip comes courtesy of John’s mom. Thank you Mrs. Colquhoun. Now that John’s kids are grown, there’s no more "leaving them off at Grandma’s for the long weekend while we get a little alone time.” Now it’s “Can you watch the dog for a couple days?” This of course comes with a laundry list of do’s and dont’s, prompting the aforementioned Mrs. Colquhoun to contrast how taking care of the kids seemed a hell of a lot easier. And that is simply all we needed for comic #2. That and the fact that John and his wife prepared such a laundry list. And that’s what is so much fun about this “job.” It’s looking at our lives or that of our friends and being able to laugh about it. Well, not the part about OUR lives. That’s nobody’s damn business. But our friend’s lives, good stuff!

And when we do it right, we get comments like, “did you attach listening devices inside our home?” No, well maybe. But only a couple.

Have a great weekend and if you get the chance, please weigh in on our comments section. We’d love to hear from you.

The New 60

Turning 66 and oh yeah, comics 5/18/19

One of the staff (an enormous staff of two) of The New 60 turned 66 this week. He is still firmly in his mid-60’s, or to borrow a phrase from Linda Kaplan, our former creative director, in his “incredibly late 50’s.” Hell, age is just a state of mind, right? Who cares about the number? That’s all it is, a number, along with a stiff neck, an achy breaky knee and the realization it’s a little tougher to lose the weight and … forget it. Forget we even mentioned it, okay?

This week we visit part of how it feels to be in your 60’s when you go for your physical. None of us wants to cop to it, but there is a little sense of underlying dread when we go, right? And that only increases when you get that friendly call from the doctor’s office wanting to discuss your test results. What could possibly go wrong? A couple years ago, that same New 60 staffer got a call from his doctor in the San Francisco airport. He picked up the phone, and the doctor said, “Hello, you have diabetes.” Turns out he was wrong and it was a one time blood sugar reading gone haywire but still. He is now my “former doctor.” All of which served to inspire this week’s first comic. That and the test results from last Friday that they still haven’t called about. But, as Alfred E. Newman (ya know, the guy who Trump thinks looks like Mayor Pete) once famously said, “What, me worry?”

Onto the second. Both John and Andy have copped to this one at some point in the past, including this past Tuesday night. If you are a sports fanatic or are married to one or live with one, here’s the deal. They are watching some sort of game in extra innings or double overtime or on tape delay. You can see their eyes are about to close, but they want to stay up to see how it ends. This is a completely unscientific study, but I maintain that less than one half of one per cent make it through the final out, basket, touchdown, etc. And yeah, we left out hockey on purpose ‘cause neither one of us follow it. Back to the subject, whatever it was. The only thing more pathetic than falling asleep before the ending is pretending you didn’t fall asleep before the ending. And THAT is the subject of our second comic.

See you next week with two new ones. And don’t ask us about the NBA Conference Finals, we were too busy sleeping before the final bucket.

The New 60

Communicating about communicating 5/10/19

At the New 60, we always try to draw on experience. An experience either one of us has had, or an experience one of our friends has had. Or something we observe in a total stranger. The first comic this week has to do with something that pisses everyone off, regardless of age. Waiting on hold. Especially waiting on hold for a big institution like a credit card company or a bank or, in this case, an insurance company. You know in advance you’re going to have to wait forever. This was the second of a two part comic. We thought it would be fun to have Marv wait from last week’s comic until this week’s. So the germ of the idea came from one of us having to dispute a bank charge. You have to make the decision, is this going to be worth the aggravation I know I’m going to feel? And if you make the decision to go ahead, you tell yourself you won’t get aggravated, at least not this time. Until you do. As Marv stews, so stew we (does that even remotely make sense?).

The second strip (after 4 decades in advertising, we are always tempted to say, the second spot, which is how you refer to a commercial in the biz) deals with one of those occurrences we both have had. When it’s something that happens to us both, we realize we might have an idea that resonates with our audience. In this case, we are talking about the twin phenomena of losing your hearing bit by bit (no, I will not put closed captioning on my tv!!!!) and of a couple communicating with each other by shouting from different rooms. It’s usually the sound of one person’s voice, the hearing of only a few key words, honey, will you, favor, 8? Followed by the mandatory reply, WHAT????

Ain’t love grand? Read ‘em and laugh. And have a wonderful weekend.

The New 60

Should I take it now or take it later? 5/3/19

Social security. Once you hit 60 you start thinking about it. Should I take it as soon as I can? That would be age 62 1/2 (why the half is anyone’s guess), or should I wait as long as I can? That would be age 70 1/2 (there’s that damn half again). If you take it right away, you get less each month. The longer you wait, the more you get. But who knows how long you’re going to last? Gosh, this is getting kind of morbid, but at any rate, it’s a thing John and I discussed. It’s kind of funny because the 70 1/2 thing works only if you plan on being around a long time. I proposed that idea to John and he said, no, what does everyone you know say when you talk about how long you’re gonna be around? They say, “Yeah, but what happens if you get hit by a bus?” And that was the core of our first idea this week.

Our second thought came from having to wait on the phone. Anytime you have to, it’s horrible, and if you’re like us, you dread it even before it happens. It’s the call to dispute an insurance claim, a bank statement, a credit card bill, fun stuff like that. I recently suffered through one of these with Citibank. Now I’m sure it’s a fine institution, but it’s an institution. And my “representative” obviously had a script she was reading from. She was told, when the customer seems to be getting more and more upset (that’d be me) just tell him/her that “I understand the frustration you’re going through.” Trust me, it doesn’t work. I once had an advertising client who, in rejecting my idea said, “I applaud your passion, but…no.” Hey, buddy, applaud this.

One final note, John repeated the opening lyrics to “Brandy, you’re a fine girl,” word for word. I tried to get us to do “Mandy” but I could only get as far as “I remember all my life…” so John won.

See you next week.

The New 60

The (not so) great outdoors. 4/26/19

If you live in the northeast like we do, you’ve endured another cold, snowy, wet winter. Now that the weather is warming, you can’t wait to get out there. One of us did just that last Monday. I called a buddy on the spur of the moment and said, “Let’s play golf, right now.” The friend (names are omitted to protect the innocent) belongs to a country club, so we met there. I took out my pull cart and was told that pull carts were against club rules. My friend calmly strapped his bag across his back and started walking uphill to the first tee. Way uphill. Not wanting to panic or seem like a wimp, I carried my bag (for the first time in my life, I’m sorry to admit). John said, that’s a comic, and we dreamed one up.

The second strip comes from the fact that both John and I are big Mets fans. Watching a game a couple weeks ago, the announcers said it was Jackie Robinson Day. Jackie Robinson wore #42. That number can never be worn again by any player in the major leagues. But on this one day, every player in the major leagues wears #42. The visiting team made a pitching change and the Mets announcer, Gary Cohen, had no idea who the new pitcher was. He said “Coming in to the game, #42, uhh, wait, there is no #42.” Voila. Comic #2.

In addition to thinking up ideas, we also have to think about who plays what roles. In this case it was easy. The character of Sam Lipisi used to be a commercial voiceover, the kind of guy who says “This Bud’s for you.” So it was an easy choice to give him a side hustle as the announcer for the local baseball team, the Boulder City Bullets. We thought Sam needed a foil to play off, so he invited his friend Marv to sit in with him in the booth on Jackie Robinson Day and watch his buddy not know a single player on the other team. As the cliche goes, “you can’t tell the players without a scorecard.” In this case, you couldn’t tell the players even WITH a scorecard.

Enjoy the great outdoors this week, and let’s hope it turns out better than it did for our guys.

See you next week.

The New 60

A couple of mind readers, we're not. 4/19/19

Remember the mini series, The People vs. O.J.? In it, the all-black jury is coming to OJ’s house to see if he’s truly part of the black community. OJ’s lawyers take a peek first and are horrified to find pictures of OJ and his white wife, NIcole. OJ Playing golf with the extremely white Arnold Palmer, etc. The lawyers then “blackify” his house with African Art and sculpture. Well this is sort of like that, with much, much lower stakes. Al rearranges Craig’s apartment to be much more appealing to Craig’s date. Cause Al’s a mindreader. Al knows exactly what’s going to work. On a woman he’s never met. Sure he does.

The next strip is born of an amazing coincidence. It turns out both John and my oldest kids are daughters, both the same age, both named Ali! Now we will always see them as our “kids” even though they are all grown up. But what happens when someone calls them “ma’am” for the first time? We certainly remember the first time we were called “sir.” It’s a sign of respect. The hell with that, it’s a sign of age, is what it is. We watch Marv’s daughter, named Alicia (absolutely NO relation to either of our daughters, purely coincidental) experience her first encounter with that phenomenon. We tried to read the mind of what a young woman must think while being confronted with a ma’am. I’m sure we failed spectacularly, but that’s all part of the fun.

Have a great weekend and we will see you next week with two new ones.

The New 60

Let's go to dinner. 4/12/190

Dear readers, did you ever get the feeling that many of these hot, new restaurants are not for you? The brilliant Frank Bruni of the NY Times brought this up a couple weeks ago. And he’s only 54. Sure, for the younger generation they’re fine. I still think even THEY have trouble hearing in those places except who’d want to admit that? Also, when you’re busy looking at your cell phone all night, who cares about conversation anyway? Okay, that was a shot at the millenials and it was uncalled for, but still…

The second strip is a combination of experiences we’ve both had. There is the talking to each other from different rooms, which is a staple of any long-term relationship. And then there’s the fact that it is impossible for both people in a couple to be ready on time at the same time. In fact, it has been scientifically proven that being on time together has NEVER occurred before in recorded human history. All right, maybe once or twice but that’s it. Anyway, that’s our truth and we’re sticking with it. Have a great weekend

The New 60