Time To GET Away

Hey, we’re getting up there in age, okay? Many of us are retired. And with all that time on our hands, what are we going to do? Let’s go on a vacation. Let me say that my wife and I have different ideas about what constitutes a vacation. I like the beach, golf, easy hikes, great food, maybe a game of pickleball. And while she likes those things, she is also a big fan of adventure travel. Call me crazy but my idea of a vacation does not include hiking down a steep path with wet rocks and loose gravel. In fact we did that once in Peru and I slipped and fell backwards three different times, only to be saved from hitting my head by the big, heavy backpack I was carrying. My wife’s point is a valid one: let’s take these trips while we are still physically able to. Don't want to try these in your 80’s. No, I certainly do not. But I ain’t so crazy about doing them at 72 either.

So Al and Joanne are taking the kind of trip John recently took and that I like to take. A little sightseeing in a country we’ve never been to before and great eating. A couple years ago, we went with another couple we’re very close to, and explored the Greek Islands. This past spring we went to Sicily with other close friends. Greek food, Italian food, beautiful natural settings, you can’t go wrong. We climbed a lot but they were streets and staircases, not mountains with wet rocks. Well there was a climb of Mt. Etna one day, an active volcano, but the only really challenging part was trying to get the black lava ash off my hiking shoes. A year later I’m still working on it. Part 1 is a riff John and I took on something that happened to me when I was a teen in Paris. I went into a patisserie and asked, “Combien coute…” before the woman behind the counter said impatiently (hey it’s France), “How much is what?” I replied, “the Napoleon.” To which she responded, “For a nice Jewish boy like you, one franc (this was before Euros, wayyy before). I said, “How did you know I was Jewish,” and she replied, “Your face looks like the map of Tel Aviv. No kidding. I hope the map of Tel Aviv is good looking, but I have no idea.

Al will keep trying to use his high school Spanish and French and we’ll keep trying to make you laugh. Have a great weekend, nous ami and amie (I have no idea if that is right). See you next week,

Andy and John

Big Plans. 05/09/25

I graduated from high school, college and grad school. But figuring out what pills to take when I go away — well that’s too much for me to figure out. Maybe you need a Ph.D. A Doctorate of Packing. Let me step back for a minute. When I used to visit my in-laws (may they rest in peace) I noticed my father-in-law had a bunch of amber pill bottles set up by his breakfast plate. I silently thought, “That’ll never be me.” Ha. You know the saying, “Man plans, God laughs”? God is having quite a chuckle now. I recently came back from a wonderful trip to Sicily and packed every pill I needed for every day of the trip. Doesn't sound so complicated, right? But the morning pill for my underactive thyroid states that it must be taken a half-hour before eating, on an empty stomach. Done. Then comes another pill with the same caveat. Which means I have to wait 30 minutes before taking it. So that means I have to wait an hour before I can eat breakfast. We went with friends and agreed the night before to meet for breakfast at 9:00. It means I have to get up at 8 for pill #1 and then make sure pill #2 goes down the hatch at 8:30. But wait, there’s more. I have two pills that cannot interact with the morning pills so I must save them for the night. But what happens if you lose the plastic pouch containing the night pills while reaching into a pocket for your wallet? Huh? We came home last Sunday night, so I borrowed the night pills for Sunday that Tuesday because I knew I could get the Sunday night pills when I got back. S0 while the others on the trip were marveling at the ionic pillars of an ancient Greek temple, I’m thinking, “Did I wait long enough between pills 1 and 2?” And oh yeah, Sicily was great. And so were those ionic columns.

Which brings us around to Pizza-on-a Stick. This blog is titled, “Big Plans.” Not only planning for the trip but Al was planning for a new national promo at his franchise restaurant. Meaning, as part of the national chain, he had to promo whatever “corporate” tells him to promo that week. You’ve all heard the ads, “For a limited time, get the bacon cheese double stack hamburger with tater tots and a small coke for only $2.99!! Good while supplies last.” In other words, Al has no choice but to display the honey-sriracha special meal deal. One of the things I love about thinking up these comics with John is we spend an inordinate amount of time arguing the most minute details. In this case it was what is the best way to describe the sound of a foot stepping in sticky sauce. Is it squish, squish, squish? Or sqoosh, sqoosh, sqoosh? Or is it squeesh, squeesh squeesh? It was almost as hard to figure out as what pills to take on vacation.

That’s it for this week. We’ll be back next week with two new ones. And don’t forget to take your statins and not mix them with grapefruit juice!

Andy and John

Travellin'. 04/11/25

Once upon a time we called it “vacation,” which is much less haughty than “travel.” Travel is like milk. There used to be milk, but now there’s one percent, two percent, skim, as well as oat, almond and soy. I will never order a cappuccino with soy at Starbucks. It sounds like pouring salt into my coffee. Same with travel. There used to be travel. Now there’s adventure travel, resort travel, eco travel (which is really just adventure travel with a fancier name) and let’s not forget the subcategory of trips, as in golf trips, spa trips, ski trips and bicycle trips…on second thought, let’s forget about bike trips. I’ve forgotten about them since my last Vermont Bicycle Tours trip in the ‘80’s that I took to impress my then girlfriend and now wife. I’ve still got saddle sores. So that’s that about traveling. Traveling with friends is a category unto itself. Are the other couples as aerobically fit as you? Are you as aerobically fit as they are? Is one person a dyed-in-the-wool vegan? And are you a proud carnivore?

What if one of your friends is a rock-climbing, kayaking, kosher vegan with type 2 diabetes? I suggest defriending them. And then, even if you can agree on what type of trip you’re taking, can you agree on when to take it? Oh, I’ve got a (choose one) wedding, funeral, bar or bat mitzvah, confirmation, upcoming birth of a grandchild that week. I remember years ago becoming closer with another couple. It turned out we both had daughters who went to the same college and were both getting married within weeks of one another. We had the semi-awkward conversation about the weddings and telling each other that the other couple was not invited. Which is kind of like saying, “you guys are really great but you don’t crack the list of our 135 closest friends.” Well we loved that honesty and in fact are going on vacation with them at the end of this month. Walking, not hiking. Drinking wine, not electrolytes. Taking a jeep to the top of a volcano and then back down again, not rock climbing our way up and then belaying all the way down. Hell, I don’t even know what belaying means.

With all these thoughts going ‘round and ‘round, John shared that he and his friends were planning a river cruise of their own. And thus was born our four part River Cruise series.

Have a great weekend and if you’re going on a trip to climb Mt. Everest, please don’t invite us. I have nothing to wear.

Andy and John

Back to Work 9/6/18

Well, it's officially after Labor Day.  The football season is about to kick off tonight.  It means back to work for the adults, and back to school for the kids.  But what does it mean to the 60 somethings?  Let me put it to you this way.  I returned from two weeks at the beach with my family and a few friends coming in and out of the beach house.  We returned home Tuesday and my wife had a work conference at a Brooklyn hotel starting the next night.  I went in last night and while my wife was at a work dinner, I met my daughter for dinner in Williamsburg (Brooklyn for those non New Yorkers of you).  After dinner we met her husband for drinks, I raved about the hotel we were staying at.  It even had an outdoor swimming pool and a spectacular outdoor lounge with panoramic views of Manhattan.  I told my son-in-law that it felt like being on vacation.  And he replied, "you must have really needed one."  After all, I had been back home for a full 24 hours.

He could have said, "vacation from what?"  And all of that is true.  I find myself doing things on Monday-Thursday that are too crowded to do on weekends.  And I work whenever.  It is a great life.  And it gives us (John and I) great material for new comics.

Another insight into being in your 60's is this: if people in their 20's and 30's knew what was in the heads of people in their 60's, they'd be surprised.  Very surprised.  Because it isn't very different that what went on in our heads in our 20's and 30's.  Maybe, hopefully, we've developed a lot better perspective but the point remains, it's a jungle in there (our heads).  And to that topic goes this week's comic.  We see Craig at a cocktail party trying to act like a young man. As John likes to say, "Hilarity ensues."

We'll be back next week with one final single comic then it's "back to work" with two per week. It's a tough job but somebody's gotta do it.

Andy