On high tops and Limitations 10/06/23

How many of us have forgotten their phones? In restaurants, bars, airplanes, taxi cabs, gas station convenience stores, and so on and so on. But some instances are more egregious than others. John was with someone (who shall go nameless to protect their identity) who left their phone on top of their car and drove away. But what made it worse is the phone was in a phone holder which also had room for multiple credit cards. When they realized their mistake they hightailed it back to the parking garage where they encountered a smashed iPhone, but miraculously, the credit cards were all there, scattered on the concrete. Point is, we all do it, even though we’re all so hopelessly dependent on those damn phones. I think the moral of the story is don’t leave your phone anywhere after you use it but back in your pocket or purse or man-bag if you carry one. And certainly don’t leave it in high, hard-to-see places.

Which brings me around to high chairs. Listen, I get it. It’s fun to sit at the bar. In fact, we have close friends who live in London, and when they go out they only like to sit at the bar. For yours truly, there’s two problems with that. For one, I am not only short, I am short-waisted. Which means my legs are proportionally longer than my torso. This sucks when attending movies and concerts, and driving certain makes of vehicles. Also sitting at high tops. But that part I can deal with. The part I absolutely hate is when my napkin invariably falls on the floor. First I stubbornly insist on trying to reach the napkin on the floor while still sitting in the chair. No can do. At least not anymore (it reminds me of a game I used to play with my son during a round of golf. It involved being able to pick up a golf ball from the rough, while in a moving golf cart. I used to be able to do it with about a 60% success rate, now, he does it. I have given up). Then, back to the high chair, I invariably excuse myself, push the chair back, climb down, pick up the napkin and resume eating, until my napkin falls again minutes later. This leads to the final indignity of tucking my napkin into my pants which just doesn’t seem dignified. Or fair.

And finally, for those of you who are wondering why I am writing an October blog in late September, it’s because I am off to Bhutan. Thanks for reading and being a fan of the New 60 and enjoy the fall weather. Just do it on a normal sized chair.

Andy and John

On Millenials and Boomers. 07/28/23

This isn’t entirely new news. Millenials and Boomers have a tough time figuring each other out. So to the millennial readers we have out there, sorry if we don’t capture you exactly. Whaddya want? We’re boomers. I mean we sort of get it. You guys want a balance between work and your personal life and we just want to work, work, work. Well some of us want to work, work, work. And I, for one, am happy to hide behind the hard-working image of my generation while I stretch my arms to get out of bed no earlier than 9 a.m. In other words, maybe I’m a secret millennial (just add another 40-50 years to me, shake, stir and there you have it).

So Miguel kicked some butt, the cash registers rang, but some of Miguel’s millennial employees weren't too happy about it. If truth be told, we remember many a weekend we were asked to come in and work, and many times we were not happy about that either. In fact, I remember one time the ad agency I worked for hired a new hot-shot writer. The first week he arrived in New York, he was asked to work the 4th of July weekend and he wasn't too happy about it. So, he literally bought a few bags of sand into the office and spilled it out onto his office floor, put a beach umbrella in the sand and a beach chair and worked in that environment in his office (remember offices?). Unfortunately for him, the powers that be didn’t appreciate his stunt or the clean up bill that followed his stunt, and he was soon sent packing back to wherever it was he came from in the first place.

So while the first comic is about millennial work ethic (an oxymoron if there ever was one), the second one is about boomer fashion (another oxymoron if there ever was one). What is it about belonging to a certain generation that draws you to different fashion choices? Well one thing is that Boomers remember what it was like to be cool and hippie-like. The height of cool was hanging out at the beach. Now it also is true that as we get older, our bodies tend to settle and become a little less supple than they used to be. So what about a brand that specializes in loose, flowing beach styles, that also hides our stomachs? Voila! Welcome to Tommy Bahama. As I write this, let it be known that I would never stoop to such an obvious choice. Well, except for the Tommy Bahama beach chairs, Tommy Bahama beach umbrellas and a couple of Tommy Bahama, loose-flowing shirts, that’s it. I am certainly not a walking Tommy Bahama ad. Nor does John want to be known as a Ralph Lauren Polo model. We refuse categorization (except for the approximately 10 shirts I own from Untuckit). Okay Boomer?

Enjoy the end of July in whatever style you wear and to you millennials, if your boss makes you work over a summer weekend, don’t cover the floor with sand. It’s not worth it. Take a hint from us. Just call in sick (from the beach).

Have a great (non-working) weekend and we’ll see you next week with two new ones.

Andy and John

April Fools 04/01/22

April Fools. This time we decided to fool ourselves into thinking the strip was internationally famous. What do internationally famous cartoon strips do to make money? They make stuffed toys out of their characters, right? There’s stuffed Snoopy dolls and stuffed Charlie Brown and Lucy dolls but who the hell is going to want to take an Al Bondigas lunchbox to work? Or drink their coffee in a Marv Mandlebaum mug? Who even goes to work anymore? Which of our female fans would want a Joanne or Rachel purse? So we put on our thinking caps. We’ve already made old people jokes in past comics, with New 60 hemorrhoid pads, dental adhesive, etc., but what could we do to fit a more active lifestyle? And the answer came. Tada. Pickleball! It seems like every other person we know is taking up pickleball. Apparently, it has nothing to do with pickles. It’s a cross between tennis and ping pong (so why not ting tong?) and the court is much smaller so it doesn’t involve much running. What is does involve is a lot of lunging, but what could possibly go wrong with that? So we came up with New 60 pickleball paddles. If Al or Marv were bugging you in the comics one week, you could take their faces and mash them into a pickleball. How much fun would that be? We added bibs for any occasion because both John and I confessed to one another that we seem to be spilling more food on our shirts that ever before, so bibs, they’re not just for babies anymore. Heck, you have old guys wearing adult diapers, so why not a bib? And finally, New 60 sunscreen with an SPF of 1,000. This came from watching people of a certain age at the beach. They wear huge floppy hats, slather themselves in sunscreen and sit under umbrellas all to avoid the sun they seem to be worshipping. New 60 sunscreen. At least it prevents you from doing the t-shirt thing which leaves really ugly tan lines.

And then we turned our attention to a particular breed of sports fanatic. One so crazy that they want to watch every game their team plays. I have this affliction and have passed it on to my son, unfortunately. When you go out of town or go out to dinner, you record the game to watch it at a later date. Then you have to avoid hearing the score so it doesn’t ruin the experience of watching it. I go into an SIMP. What is that, you ask? It’s a Self-Imposed Media Blackout. Sometimes it works, but a lot of times it doesn’t. Many years ago, when my son was about 10 or 11 years old, our family went with two other families on a beach vacation to St. Martin. The trip was great. We were scheduled to fly back home on a Sunday, the very day the NY Giants were playing the Philadelphia Eagles. The last game of the season. The winner goes to the playoffs, the loser goes home for the winter. We were on a plane that day. I had already set the recorder to record the game at home before we went away. The trick was now to avoid hearing the outcome. As luck would have it, the plane was delayed, and then delayed some more. Then it went to pick up more passengers in the Dominican. But the plane had to circle there endlessly before it could land. In fact, it used up so much fuel circling that it had to touch down in Miami before continuing to our final destination in NY. As the plane touches down in Miami, some douchey guy on a cell phone yells out, guess what everybody, the Giants won!!! This was past midnight now and I was ready to kill him. Here’s the really crazy part. When we got home, we watched the whole thing anyway, wrapping up past 4 in the morning. Before you report me to child services, it’s important to note that the kids were off on Christmas break for another week. But this was the genesis for Al, trying to avoid the Knick game. I’m hoping to get over this habit when I grow up.

That’s it, ladies and gents. We’ll see you next week with two brand new ones, hot off the proverbial press.

Andy and John

Expanding Families

This week we devoted ourselves to expanding families. Al’s family expands as his daughter Emily is about to give birth to twins. And Marv’s family expanded, or actually, Marv expanded by eating donuts, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

But first to the upcoming birth. My own daughter gave birth to our first grandchild, Charlotte, back in April. We raced down to the hospital and when we got there, were told we couldn’t come in due to Covid-19 protocols. I suggested we go back home, because there was nothing we could do by being there. My wife refused and wanted to hang out there, “Just in case…” I could try every logical argument I could think of, but no, she wasn’t biting. It was clear I wasn’t winning this one. She was going to be there for our daughter and son-in-law come hell or high water. Finally, the baby arrived, and thank goodness everyone was okay and we eventually made our way back home. When I told John about this he instantly turned the idea around, saying we didn’t need the Covid part. The essential story was when it comes to the birth of a child or grandchild, mother (or grandma) knows best. So we just focused on the act of driving to the hospital. We all have our emotional connections and if they make sense to us, that’s all that counts. When I am watching a Mets game and it’s a tense situation, I give the pitcher or batter instructions. To the pitcher, “Throw him a curve ball, he’ll ground into a double play.” Or to the batter, “Don’t swing at the next pitch, let him walk you!” My wife will ask, “Who are you talking to?” I know my words have no effect, but what if they do? In a similar vein she knew she had to be there just until the baby was delivered. She knew there was nothing she could do about it, but just in case…

The second comic came from another observation. I shared with John, a story about our rental house this summer. A guest came up with two large cookies. Not just cookies in the traditional sense, but huuuuge cookies with all sorts of goodies baked inside. The guests were staying for a long weekend and for two days the cookies just sat there, still wrapped in plastic. Nobody wanted to be the fatso who committed to an entire cookie which must have contained at least a full day’s worth of calories. So I unwrapped the cookies and broke them up into 40 or 50 bite size pieces and put them out on the counter. Within one day they were gone. Everyone who passed through the kitchen, which was everyone, stopped and grabbed a bite size piece on their way to wherever it was they were going. “Oh, on my way to the pool, a little piece won’t hurt.” “Oh, on my way to the bathroom, what the hell, it’s just one bite.” “Going to run an errand, let me grab one while nobody’s looking.” John shared that he does this with the occasional donut and we had our second comic. Here’s a helpful hint, DO NOT try the broken cookie routine at home. 8 extra pounds later, you’ll be cursing us out.

One last point. The Mets finally won a game Wednesday night and you know why they won? Because I told the batter, Kevin Pillar, to hit a game-winning 3 run homer in the 11th inning and he listened. The fact that I recorded the game earlier and watched it hours after it had actually ended had nothing to do with it. The batter heard me! Everyone has their little emotional tics. And no two people have the same ones. But in the end, they are what make us, us.

Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Caps for Sale 8/5/21

“Caps for Sale” is the name of one of my favorite books when I was a kid. And it also happens to relate to both of this week’s comics. First the debate about screw-top wine bottles vs. corks. I love a good bottle of wine, and after the ritual of the cork is done - foil cutter, followed by Rabbit brand corkscrew remover, it’s time to pour and enjoy. At this point it’s just, wow, this tastes good and pairs well with whatever the hell it is I’m eating. I can also admit to occasions when we are having something that goes with a white wine at home (a broiled lemon sole, for example) and when I go to reach for the wine bottle I am thrilled when I discover that the wine is actually of the screw-top variety. You mean all I have to do is screw the thing open? No more foil cutter, no more Rabbit? Sign me up. But then there’s the occasion when you bring wine to somebody’s house. If you go to a wine store with a knowledgeable staff, chances are they’ll point you in the right direction. But it’s all about perception, right? Does it make you feel twice as good showing up with a $40 bottle of wine vs. a $20 bottle of wine? And who cares if the $20 bottle is actually superior? It’s the presentation that counts. Does it have one of those ribbons around the neck that have been carefully curlicued by running a scissor over it? But what if (gasp!) the bottle has a screw-top? Is the host going to think you’re a cheapskate? Does the ribbon more than make up for the screw-top? And will the wine’s lingering notes of strawberry and tobacco compensate for the easy opening top? Maybe forget the whole thing and bring a bottle of tequilla next time. But with a cork or twist-off…forget it.

And onto the ubiquitous beach hat. John remembers going on an extended family vacation on a cruise ship while I recalled going to my mother-in-law’s 65th birthday in Lake George (34 years ago!!!!!). John made special embarrassing t-shirts for his family and, in my case, we all had embarrassing t-shirts annnouncing “I’m with Charlotte.” When John and I discussed this idea, he immediately sent me a picture of a guy wearing a wide-brimmed, goofy-looking beach hat, just like the one he drew for the comic. I laughingly agreed that, “Yeah, people would really be embarrassed having to walk around wearing a hat like that.” What I didn’t share with him is that I wear a hat that looks almost exactly like that. It might look goofy, but hey, it keeps the sun off the back of my neck. And if it’s windy, it has strings so you can keep the hat from blowing away by tying the string into a bow under your chin. Well, YOU can tie the string in a bow under YOUR chin, but that is a step too far for me. I prefer to look cool, which is why I lost my first beach hat to a large gust of wind while riding in a boat. The guys in our comic actually WANTED to lose their hats. That was John’s ending, because I am still trying to hold onto my backup beach hat. And one other thing. John’s drawn hat was blue, which is much, much more embarrassing than the hat I wear, which is tan. And tan hats look totally cool, right Stuart? (My older brother-in-law who goes nowhere without the same tan beach hat).

That’s it for this week. Keep your hats on and wear your sun block. We’ll see you next week with two new comics, but we are keeping the subjects under our collective hat.

Andy and John

No Clue 7/16/21

Events. Weddings, funerals, unveilings, bar/bat mitzvahs, confirmations, graduations, gender reveal parties, you name it, there’s an event made especially for it. And if the event is about someone in your immediate family, chances are there’s a receiving line where people shake your hand or kiss you and tell you how happy/sorry they are for your gain (marriage/baby/graduation) or loss (funeral) and then comes the kicker — the sentiment that it’s a shame we only see each other at these kinds of events and let’s get together soon. Let’s be honest. There are those few that we really would love to get together with except for the fact that you live too far away from them, and then there are those who, well, ‘ya know. This first comic is dedicated to them.

The second comic in your feed comes from a patented inability to find a tv show on a given network or “platform.” First of all, platforms are for diving or giving speeches, not for watching tv shows. Secondly, how the f#@! do you find them? One half of the New 60 team is currently at a beach house and tried to find something on Netflix the other night. I was struggling with three remotes lying out on the living room table. The cable remote has a button called tv input, and if you keep pressing it, you can go from “living room hd” to HDMI 1, 2, etc. As I was struggling with this, my 35-year-old son-in-law picked up another remote and pushed a large button entitled “Netflix.” Who knew? At any rate, it worked. My bar? As long as I can record the Mets and the NBA playoffs, I’m good.

That’s it for this week. I know it’s a little bit on the short side, but there’s this beach house and well, the sun is out and I’m outta here. See you next week with two new ones thanks to our virtual meetings on zoom, but wait, the signal here is weak, so what if I cancel my video feed, well, wait, what about FaceTime, hey, did you just hang up on me, oh there you are…

By hook or by crook, we’ll be there. Have a great weekend,

Andy and John