Who You Gonna Believe, Me or Your Lyin' Eyes? 04/07/23

I remember when my wife and I moved into our current home 8 years ago. It’s a complex of apartments and townhouses and our new “community” was throwing an open house. We walked inside the community clubhouse and were shocked at how old everybody looked. Now 8 years ago we were no spring chickens ourselves. We were 61 years old. And even though the complex didn’t bill itself as an ”Over 55 community,” there’s no doubt that is exactly what it is. And while you can recognize how old everybody looks to you, you can’t exactly verify how old you look to them. I was reminded of this moment when John pitched his “antiquities” idea. Because it relies on the fact that most people, in this case the security guard, have no clue how old they look to everybody else. Plus everyone has a weird reaction to age. I have one particular person in mind (whose name shall not be repeated in order to protect the guilty), who has never once revealed her age to anyone. At any time. For any reason. But here’s the thing, unless we are botoxed up the wazoo, your appearance gives you away. Maybe it's the fact that your hair is still blonde or jet black, long past when it should be. Maybe it’s walking with a cane or walker. Maybe it’s the fact than you can no longer read the menu without a flashlight plus reading glasses, but whatever it is, the fact is that most people know the truth. It’s like bald people with bad toupees, short people with ridiculously high heels, and even heavily botoxed people (I’m thinking of you, Jane Fonda in the movie “80 for Brady”), you ain’t foolin’ anyone. If we can’t tell whether your laughing or crying because your face is pulled back so tightly you know longer have expressions, it’s a sign you’re trying too hard.

Our other effort this week, comes from John and I discussing our exercise routines. I go to the gym and have seen a number of chubby personal trainers which led to the particular comic. Whereas John works out at home, with only his wife to make observations, and that led to this one. As we age, we hear reams of evidence that walking is the absolute best exercise you can undertake. Whereas other “experts” claim that weight bearing exercise is better because the muscles work overtime to repair themselves many hours after you’ve finished. In any case many of us are convinced that the way we are doing it is much better than the way other people are doing it. Then once in a while it takes a spouse, significant other or a really good friend who’s not afraid to tell you the truth. For me, all it takes is one good downward look from my wife in the general direction of my stomach to let me know it’s time to start skipping dessert for the next couple weeks.

So that is it for this week. One half of your favorite comic-writing team (Andy) is off to Patagonia for the next two weeks for an exciting adventure in aerobic exercise and altitude sickness, but fear not, there are two new comics per week in the pipeline for many weeks to come. See you soon and until then, enjoy this beautiful Spring.

Andy and John

On gettting older, not old, damnit! 2/07/2020

The other day Andy was having a fine day thinking up new ideas with John. After they said goodbye, he went into the grocery store. He picked up dinner for that night and noticed a $2.45 discount on the end of his receipt. “What’s this for?” he asks the cashier, pleasantly surprised. She answered, “You get 3 cents off for bringing your own bag and $2.42 off for our senior discount.” Andy said, “But I’m only 26.” To which she gave a good, hearty laugh as if it were the funniest thing she’d heard. But that wasn’t all. That same night his wife and daughter met for dinner in NYC. Ali, his daughter, was a couple minutes late. When she asked for her mom, Joanie, who had already been seated, the hostess said, “Are you with the mature woman?” No shit. Mature woman. Funny but ouch. So here’s Andy’s suggestion to clerks everywhere: If the customer ASKS for a senior discount, then by all means give them the damn discount. But, if the customer doesn’t ask for the discount, don’t offer the freakin’ discount. Maybe it’s worth the extra $2.00 at the movie theater or even the grocery store to have the clerk NOT assume you’re old. And maybe the hostess could have said, are you with the woman with the black dress? Just making a point here.

Which brings us to our first comic today. John read that although your bones stop growing around puberty (of course there are exceptions and people experience growth spurts later) your nose and ears continue to grow. After laughing at that thought, we both blurted out simultaneously, “Well, at least we have that to look forward to.” And comic #1 was born.

As you scroll down you’ll see our second comic, which deals with Sam’s new wife, Shellie. We introduced the idea of her, as opposed to the actual her. A mutual friend told us about a guy in his 60’s who married a woman in her 30’s and now has a 2 year old. We will play out that situation over the next month or so. We wondered, what would Rachel and Joanne (married to Marv and Al) think about Shellie? Would they resent her for being 38? Would they miss Sam’s first wife and be loyal to her? What the hell would they talk about? The possibilities are endless and we intend to mine them.

One final thought: Just remember as the days and years tick on, we’re not getting old. Just a little old-er. Okay?

Andy and John