Gone Phishing

Hello again. We’re baaaack! This time with a three part series about Phishing. Now we regaled you in a past blog entitled “Help Line,” about the horrors of phishing. To refresh your memories, what happened is that I got hacked. Deeply hacked. Someone went on what has come to be called a “Phishing Expedition” and attempted to steal all my personal financial information. They didn’t get it, but not before I had to change every password I’ve come to rely on. And if you are over 60, you know how vexing it is to remember multiple passwords, let alone one. So we’ve got a couple questions for you. Why is it called phishing instead of fishing? Don’t these people know how to spell? I remember a Latin teacher in 7th grade who said, “You think LATIN is tough, try learning English for the first time.” And then he wrote on the blackboard “gh-o-ti,” and said “fish.” The “gh” sound comes from the word “enough'“ the “o” sound from “women,” and the “ti” from “nation.” Fish. The rock band “Phish” ought to sue whoever called this habit “phishing,” but I digress. How did these clowns get into my computer in the first place? Oh wait, that’s because I inadvertently let them in. But that’s precisely the point. You know what was the most galling thing about it? When I explained what had happened, no matter how sympathetic the listener was, I got a chorus of “Oh Andy, you didn’t.” John for instance said, “You know I was warning my mother about the same thing.” I got so many responses from people in my general age group telling me about how they had to help their parents from getting trapped in a phishing scam that I was wondering, how come nobody warned me not too fall in this trap? And your parents??? I’m not your parents’ age, I’m your age. But at least John knew how to recognize the warning signs so that I can now catch them, and if not for John, Sid’s dialogue about phishing would not have qualified as good advice. So thanks John for teaching me and our readers (in part 3 - you’ll have to wait until next week) how to recognize the signs, but no thanks for making me feel even older than I actually am (though truth be told, I am 5 years older than him). Ugh.

It seems these scams get more and more sophisticated as time goes on. One is to call people our parent’s age and pretend to be one of their grandchildren. Something along the lines of, “Hello grandma? This is Timmy. I got into an accident and my car is in a ditch and I’ve got no way to get home. If you could send me $200 for a car service to pick me up I’d be soooo grateful.” And even though the call doesn't sound like Timmy, and even though Timmy parent’s are very much alive and able to help, these poor people are shaken and end up giving pertinent information about their bank accounts in order to help. In my particular case I was led to a totally professional webpage that said “Best Buy Refund Page.” Turns out being a digital pioneer is a lot tougher than it seems. For instance, my wife and I are staying at one of our kids’ houses soon to babysit their daughter and our beloved granddaughter (obviously, one in the same person). They have a tv and a remote, and gave me specific instructions on how to use it. I’m bringing along a book just in case I can’t figure it out again. But it’s an ebook, so it’s still digital, Well, kinda digital.

Have a great weekend and we’ll be back next Friday with the conclusion of the Phishing Expedition as well as a brand new one on a whole other kind of online scam.

Andy and John

Good Eatin' 8/27/21

This week we become food obsessed. Okay, okay, we’re always food obsessed. Because face it, once you’re firmly in your 60’s, what else are you going to become obsessed with? 

The point is not everything works the way it used to work. Which is why we came back to food. In the first comic, we return to Al’s franchise, Pizza-on-a-Stick. One of the employees came up with a brilliant idea for dessert, Spumoni-on-a-Stick. What’s the plural of that? “I’ll take 6 Spumoni-on-a-Sticks please?” Or “I’ll take 6 Spumonis-on-a-Stick please?” These are the kinds of meaningful debates John and I engage in. The second one sounds better but the first one is right. Plus, John draws the strip so he won, not that I’m a sore loser or anything. To put the final ribbon on the bow I asked my daughter, an excellent grammarian, which version she preferred. She said, “I know the second one sounds right but the first one is actually correct. You’d order a cheeseburger or 6 cheeseburgers. So…” When she’s right and she agrees with John, it just doesn’t seem fair. But I’ll tell you this, if you come into Pizza-on-a-Stick and order 6 Spumonis-on-a-Stick, I promise not to be literal like John and pile 6 scoops of spumoni on one stick. I know this is fiction, but who the hell would do that?

Okay, now that THAT’S off my chest, let’s go to comic #2, Al’s backyard vegetable garden. John and I have a mutual friend Chris who built a magnificent garden with raised beds and every natural method of maintenance and pest control. John tried to mimic it as best he could, and when I had a house, I maintained a vegetable garden as well but much more basic. Why? For one thing I’m not very good with my hands (a common affliction among us Jews) and secondly, my love of vegetables stops at salads. But the point is, these gardens are a TON of work and they yield very little until you get overrun by cherry tomatoes during the last of summer, and end up having to shovel half of them into the soil so they make for a rich mulch the following summer. Sure, it’s a great thrill to go into the garden and pick out your salad or dinner for the night, but if you stop off at the farmstand on your way home, that works too. Plus, the cost/benefit ratio is a bit out of whack, as Al’s son Sid gleefully points out.

So, as Porky Pig said, Th-th-that’s all folks (at least for this week). We will be back next week with two new ones that take us up to Labor Day! Where does the time go?

Have a great weekend,

Andy and John

Sid Grows Up (Al, not so much) 5/28/21

It’s easy for a couple of older guys to poke fun at 30+ year-olds still living at home. But the world today isn’t like the one we grew up with. Steady jobs with benefits that have a career path have been replaced by freelance gigs with no benefits whatsoever. They usually end with some form of “Thanks for the work, we’ll call you again next time we need you.” Followed by the click of a phone hanging up. Sigh. I actually once worked at an agency where I asked one of the other creative directors, “How do you find people who are content making the same ads into different sizes to fit different digital platforms?” His response, “I look for people with no ambition. People who are just happy to have a job.” Yikes. Well, your intrepid cartoonists were not about to let Sid suffer the same fate. So he sold his app for beaucoup bucks. And now he’s a big shot, in the way kids finding their first jobs and apartments are big shots. No place to sit, not furniture, not enough plates or silverware but, damn, there has to be room for a 70” hi-def tv and a Peloton. The Peloton is important because who among us wouldn’t want to have a $5,000 machine featuring a televised sweaty person in much better shape than we will ever be, screaming at you to tighten up that resistance screw, stand up on those pedals and move! move! move! That they have. A couch with an ottoman? Not so much.

And we also wanted to visit that age old tradition when your kid picks up the check for dinner. Most people are touched with love and admiration and a feeling akin to, “Wow our little (fill in the name) has really grown up!” Well, Al feels that as well, but a little dessert and an after-dinner drink would make him feel even better. As long as it’s on Sid.

We’ve spent a lot of time on kids lately. Grown up kids like Sid and his sister. New kids like the one Sam just had. And new grandparents like our characters will soon become (just wait for our upcoming gender reveal party). Maybe it’s because one of us (me) just became a grandpa or maybe it’s just that Spring is in the air, and we see lots of baby carriages out there. In any event we’ve got a lot of fresh new storylines out there for the summer and the best part about our comic book children, is that their crying makes no noise, they can’t pee or throw up on you, and when you’re done reading, you’re done. Sounds like a good deal to us.

See you next week with two new ones,

Andy and John

Finally 03/26/21

Why finally? Because it links this week’s comics. Finally we got Sid out of the house and can plan what to do with his room. And finally we got an appointment for our Covid vaccine shots. First, about the Covid. As a man of a certain age, it reminds me a lot of Vietnam. Huh? Relax, I’ll explain. It was 1971 and yours truly was a freshman at Washington U in St. Louis. I sat around on the floor with a bunch of buddies listening to the radio announce birthdates that were being pulled out of a tumbler. Speaking of tumblers, we also had a bottle of crappy scotch on the floor and we kept taking shots when we didn’t get our birthday called. My roommate’s birthday was May 5th, and I was May 15th. The war was starting to wind down and only the first 50 birthdates called would have to enlist in the army. The voice called out, “Number 5…May 5th.” Now May 5th sounds a lot like May 15th, but it wasn’t, thank goodness for yours truly. My roommate, however, left for active duty and I never heard from him again. I hope he made it. May 15th didn’t get called until after number 250 so I was safe. But what reminded me of Covid is it’s the only time I can remember people hoping they were sick, that something was wrong with them. In the case of Vietnam, something wrong could get you declared 4F. I have no idea what that stands for but it means, you’re out. The army can’t use you. It’s like on a school test. F isn’t a low enough grade for you. You’re 4F. Take that! With Covid, if you weren’t yet 65, you’d have to have something wrong with you in order to qualify for the shot. Anxiety, depression, elevated heart beat, hypertension, you name it. The point is it’s the only other time I can remember people hoping their doctors would find something wrong with them. Bone spurs, anyone?

Next up on your scroll is the inevitable emptying of Sid’s room. All traces of Sid are gone, posters, clothes, shoes, books, hell, even Sid himself. It was what Al and Joanne wanted for the last 5 or 6 years. But, of course, now that he’s gone they miss the hell out of him. I will point out that hey don’t miss him enough to stop contemplating who gets his room and what they are planning to do with said room, once a winner has been declared. And like most marital squabbles, the guy has no chance emerging as the winner. Al, while not an easy man to live with, was easy to manipulate in this situation. A NY Giants foot pillow, to prop his feet up during games, was all it took for Joanne to win the day. Speaking for the entire male gender, we may not think we’re easy to outmaneuver, but trust us, we are. But don’t worry. Al will get his chance. Wait until they start to clean out the garage.

That’s it for this week. Have a great weekend and we’ll be back again next week with two new ones.

Andy and John

The Saga of Sid Continues 3/11/21

Everybody’s got to grow up at some point, right? Even Sid. Look, we get it. This is the first generation that hasn’t had a reasonable expectation of upward mobility. And so because of a combination of low paying jobs, little to no health insurance, and sky high rents, many adult children are being forced to still live at home or to accept their parents’ help in living alone. And we ‘ve been over this territory before. And it’s not particularly funny, especially if you are the person still living home. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t room for comedy. Between wondering, “what in the name of God is he doing up there?” and the revelation of, “Oh, so that’s what he’s been doing up there!” is where the funny kicks in. And you have to admit, that app of Sid’s is a pretty brilliant idea.

But then we got to thinking, what if Siri or Alexa or one of those robotic female voices could do this anyway? Aren’t they some sort of example of artificial intelligence, or to be hip, AI? So we tested it. Well, in order to sound incredibly hip, we beta-tested it. In other words I said, “Hey Siri, what’s the name of that movie with the guy from the notebook and the girl from the Help? And Siri replied, “Okay, I found this on the web about The Notebook.” So it didn’t work. Which means there is still a need for Sid’s app. And if any of you are smart enough to invent it and you wind up making billions of bucks, just remember who gave you the idea. And return a 33 1/3% of your profits for the first couple years. It’s only fair.

We will wrap up the 5-part Saga of Sid next week and move on to other topics, but if you get a chance we’d love to hear your thoughts about whether or not you’d like these continuing stories from time to time.

And that, is that. Not because it’s currently 68 degrees outside and I’m kinda lazy. No it’s because I’ve run out of things to say about adult children living at home. And yeah, because it’s 68 degrees and I’m kinda lazy.

See you next week with two new ones. Enjoy your weekend and we hope you get vaccinated,

Andy and John

Adult Children 3/05/21

What kind of world is this? When did it become the rule that people of a certain age had to take care of their parents and elderly relatives, and also still have to help their kids out? It’s not all our kids’ faults. Gone are jobs with nice, comfy perks like medical insurance and bonuses and pensions and the guarantee of 40 years with the same company (what the hell is a company anyway?). Nope. Now we live in a “gig” economy. As far as I can tell gig stands for no freakin’ benefits. Gig makes me gag. But this is supposed to be funny, so enough.

We thought we’d take a look at Al and Joanne’s 33-year-old son who works on his computer upstairs and has no income. He does however have a plan. First, we gave him a name, Sidney. And then, as part of our new push to tell more continuing stories, we are doing our first ever 5-part story, the Saga of Sid, if you will. We are going to explore the push/pull of “C’mon kid, it’s time to move out” combined with “Do you have to go so soon?” Sure, they’re pains in the butt but they also solve all your tech problems. Sure, they eat you out of house and home but they also listen to cool music you’d never hear and watch new tv shows you’d never watch. In short, they keep you a little more hip than you’d be otherwise. John and I have no kids living at home, which may be a reason why we are so unhip, even though we did visit a pot dispensary in a past comic.

The other thing about a five-part series is this: once we enter a comic, say Part 1 on the website, and then enter the subsequent comic, Part 2, the subsequent comic comes up first in your feed, so that when you click open your email on Friday, you’d see part 2, followed by Part 1. And then next week, you’d see Part 4 at the top followed by Part 3. In other words, “Help! Where are our kids when we need them???

Have a great weekend and get vaccinated,

Andy and John