Stuff That's Annoying

If you are like most of our readers, you remember a simpler time. A time when coffee was coffee (alright there was Sanka but that didn't count), chocolate was chocolate and milk was just milk. I mean we’re all for change but not when it comes to waiting on a concession line for a movie. Not waiting for a movie online, but actually waiting on a line in a real live theater. Nobody cares about missing the commercials, even though John and I spent over a combined 70 years writing them. But imagine you’re standing on the concession line and instead of popcorn, candy and Coke, there’s a seeming million variations on the theme. Plus new stuff like beer, non-alcoholic beer, wine, wine coolers, fruit and cheese plates, etc. But let’s just stick to the basics. My wife and I were waiting on a concession line this summer before a movie. This place offered iced coffee, which sounded good. But the person in front of me thought so too. She asked for an iced coffee and the conversation (to the best of my ability to memorize) went something like this: Woman: “I’d like an iced coffee.” “Would you like nitro or cold brew?” replied the teenager behind the counter.” This went back and forth for what seemed like ten minutes. “Do you have decaf nitro?" “We do. What size?” “I’ll take the large with milk.” “Would that be regular cow’s milk, soy, almond or oat? Sweetener?” I’m thinking “you have got to be f’ing kidding me,” when the woman now starts inquiring about chocolate bars. I will spare you the details of the 85% dark cocoa with red chili, but as John and I always say to one another, when something annoying happens, it’s still annoying but at least it makes a good comic,

Our other one is about cell phones. I take you back to the summer when my wife and I rented a beach house. Nothing bugs me like sharp, tinny noises coming out of a cell phone. Instagram posts and comedy routines I understand. I just don’t like hearing them on tinny speakers. But there are two CPI’s (Cell Phone Interruptions) that drive me especially crazy. The first is you talking on speaker phone when you’re in my house. “Hello Margie? Yes I can’t speak now because we’re at someone’s house. What’s that? You did??? Get outta here. Oh, I have to tell you the funniest thing…” And the other is the “bing” reminder that some people insist on activating. Every time these people receive a message, their phone emanates a high-pitched ding that gets right through my ear canals (do ears even have canals?). We’re driving in a car showing guests the sites, when every five seconds or so there’s another ding. “See here, that’s where Paul McCartney (ding!) has a summer house. What was I (ding!) saying? Oh yeah, and this is where they (ding!) filmed the HBO hit, (ding!), uhh could you please turn that off? (ding! ding! ding!) You know you can still look at your messages without the freaking ding.” And there goes 1) our friendship and 2) their invitation for next year. But, like all things annoying, it makes for a good comic.

Okay, we won’t annoy you further with what annoys us, but do us a favor and turn off the ding!. Have a great weekend,

Andy and John (ding!)