Where Do We Come From. 02/03/23

So here’s the deal. When it comes to the subject of where did we come from, there are two types of people. People like John who trace their roots back through the ages and people like me who basically couldn’t care less. Pet peeve, people who say “I could care less,” which means the exact opposite of what they’re trying to say. I think if you could care less, then go ahead and care less. But I wandered off course again. The point is, I know very little about my past and haven’t thought of searching for it. I know one set of grandparents came over from Russia and the others used to live in Boston, but that’s it. After that, bupkis (which means “nothing” for those of you who don’t know a few choice Yiddish phrases). Friends have said to me, “You think your mother’s parents come from Boston? How about their parents?” And I shrug my shoulders and say, “I don’t know.” Whereas John can say he’s 29% Scottish, another 69% from other European locales, and 1% Ivory Coast and Ghana (the latter part is probably why he played jazz trumpet in high school). As for me, there’s the Russian part and then I’m told that my last name (Landorf) is actually German for “country village” so maybe I’m part German and I can see why my ancestors were smart to get the hell out of there. Come to think of it, I do have a predilection for sausage, sauerkraut, brown bread, beer and mustard with seeds, but that’s probably coincidental.

At any rate we decided to invent a past for Marv. Think about it, if we gave Marv my attitude, it wouldn’t have made much of a comic.

Mike: Hey Dad, what are those pictures?”

Marv: Oh just some old family photos I found in the attic.

Mike: Who’s that? Marv: I have absolutely no idea.

See what I mean? Not much of a comic. So we went with John’s ancestor-friendly approach and invented a past life for Marv’s grandpa, which explained the strange last name for a Black man, Mandlebaum. After some back and forth, John wondered about making Morris a baker of Streit’s Matzo. I went into my cupboard and just happened to have a box of the very same. As luck would happen they opened their matzo factory in 1925 which happened to fit our timeline perfectly and the story emerged. How many Black men in the 1920’s can you think of that became Matzo bakers? And how many of those starred for the company hoops team? Not too many, except for the esteemed Morris Mandlebaum, a guy that could make a crisp matzo. And a hook shot from 12-feet.

The other thing we like about the search for Marv’s past is it gave Marv a profound way to bond with his son. Come to think of it, maybe I will get the Ancestry kit after all.

Have a wonderful weekend and we’ll see you next week with the conclusion of the Morris Mandlebaum story and a trip back to Al’s new workplace, Pizza-on-a-Stick.

Andy and John

Longevity 8/19/22

It’s all about perspective. I remember my wife and I selling our house and moving into our apartment at the tail end of 2014. We moved into a townhouse/apartment complex that doesn’t refer to itself as a 55+ community, it just is a 55+ community. You know the signs. No more mowing lawns, no more hauling your trash and recycling to the top of the driveway, no more shoveling snow off your front steps, no more front steps. Everything with multiple stories (like a townhouse) has an internal elevator. Just don’t call it “adult living” or anything remotely close to that, because that implies one step from assisted living, which is one step from the nursing home, which is one step from…ahh forget it. Anyhow, shortly after moving into our “not 55+ complex” we went to a housewarming party for all the residents (it was brand new at the time) in the “clubhouse.” We arrived fashionably late so as not to seem too eager and Iupon taking a step inside, gasped and whispered to one another, “these people are f’ing old.” Only we didn’t say “f’ing.” The point was, what did we look like to them? F’ing old, just like everyone else. And, that friends, is what they call perspective. Look at a lot of the acts still filling arenas and concert halls, Elton John, Steely Dan, Billy Joel, The Stones and, of course, The Who. They’re not old, right? They’re cool (or at least they were in the ‘70’s). John seized upon the Who’s line from “My Generation,” “Hope I die before I get old,” and the rest just fell into place.

Our other idea involved the continuing Covid crisis. As you are likely aware, the coronavirus is kinda like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the Terminator, “I’ll be back!” Or to borrow a phrase from “Jaws,” “Just when you thought it was safe to go back…” I can hear you all thinking, “enough with the movie references” (notice that in my imagination everybody speaks like a New York Jewish person). So let’s move on. If you are anything like John or me (who are not very much alike) you have likely let your Corona guard down. How many of you still put a mask on when you enter a grocery store? How many of you pull your mask back up after you finish your popcorn and soda at the movies? How many of you still go to the movies? Really? Not even for Top Gun Maverick??? So many people we know have caught the virus for the first (or even second ) time. But relax, the government came to the rescue and offered every family a bunch of free Covid tests. So what would you do if you had an excess number of tests? You might use them for every reason imaginable. And for things you didn’t even imagine (after all, that's why you have us). So we hope you have no more contact with the virus and if you don’t, then we’ll stop doing virus-related comics. Except for next week, when we unveil Part 2 of our two-part Coronavirus comic mini-series. Until then stay well and stay safe and enjoy the end of the summer. See you next week with two new ones.

Andy and John

Accepting Our Fate 06/17/22

How many times have you been on the phone waiting and hoping to hear a human voice as the “digital assistant” keeps asking you what the issue is so they can “better direct your call?” You know what’s worse than that? Getting the actual person on the line, finally. Now I realize these people are only supposed to answer in a certain way, that they are held to some sort of script, but still…

The thing that I find most infuriating is the circular argument where absolutely nothing gets resolved. In my case, it went something like this: ME: I received a box from Fresh Direct that I never ordered and I’d like to return it and get a refund. THEM: You can’t return food and I can’t issue you a refund because we already sent you the box. ME: But I never ordered the box. THEM: But we already sent it. ME: Did you hear a word I said? THEM: Is there any thing else I can help you with?

I recounted this story to John and we developed the situation you read in the comic, where the item was delivered a day late. John, being much more polite than I am, came up with the scenario of the bakery apologizing and giving Al the cake for free. I would have had Al smash a slice of cake into the telephone in frustration, venting his anger while destroying his phone, but that’s just me. Oh, and John’s solution led to a funnier ending so that decided that.

Onto our second strip. I’ve often noticed that as life goes on, all our contemporaries have similar milestones at similar times. First was people getting married, followed by having kids, followed by bar mitzvahs and confirmations, followed by kids getting married, followed by kids having kids, followed by funerals for our parents, followed by transitioning from tennis to pickleball and softball leagues to golf and eventually to physical therapy, which is where yours truly ended up in April. And no sooner did I start attending twice-a-week sessions, than I started running into people I know. I ran into one person who I always thought was a pain in the neck even though I was there treating a pain in my neck. Anyway, we thought it would be a fun contrast in our Then and Now series. Hope you guys agree.

See you next week, or maybe sooner if we run into you at physical therapy.

Andy and John