eulogies. 06/27/25

Being funny is a burden. Not the part about coming up with comics (or ads). John and I have spent all of our adult lives doing that. And that’s our choice. I’m referring to situations like the ones at work where I was constantly asked stuff like: “Hi, we’re doing a retirement card for Alice, think of something funny to write.” This holds true for family functions, speeches, congratulations wishes, etc. One time in college a girl invited me to some dorm party and actually said, “Be funny, okay?” In my early years I was the best man at a wedding of two close friends and to say it lightly, my speech missed the mark. By a lot. I told a a story of how we all shared a living space and how we were only separated by a thin wall. A very thin wall. A very, very thin wall. Stone-faced silence in the room. Turns out this mid-1970’s generation of parents were not so into the thought of pre-marital sex. I failed to read the room. I know, quit bitching and get to the point. The point is that we are sometimes asked to write something funny about someone we don’t even know. We ask for information about the person’s life, but you don’t get funny information, or information you could have fun with. You get, “He likes golf and reading,” or “She loves walks in the woods and romantic comedies.” Good info for a dating site, not so much for being funny.

A few years back, my wife and I went for a long weekend to Portland, Maine. It had just been named something grand like, “Best Foodie city in America.” And it didn’t disappoint. But the waiters and waitresses acted like they had earned the reward. At the conclusion of one meal in particular, the waitress went to give us a check and instead of asking how I liked my meal she said, “How were your flavors?” Instantaneously I conjured up a wise-ass response. I wanted to offer her a finger and say, “How were my flavors? I don’t know, eat me.” But my wife was sitting at the other end of the table and so I just said, “Very good, thank you.”

So please, don’t ask us to write a speech for a bar mitzvah, wedding, office holiday party, confirmation, funeral or sweet 16 unless we know you well. Very well. Very, very well.

See you next week and let’s go official summertime,

Andy and John