What Was I Just Saying? 05/23/25

For those of you old enough to remember (almost every reader of the New 60 except for my kids and John’s) the rock band Chicago had a hit song long ago where they sang, “Does anybody really know what time it is/Does anybody really care/About time/oh no…”. So here’s the unfortunate fact: we often don’t know what time or day it is, but we still care. If you’re like me, the worst way to try to remember something is by trying too hard. Once you stop thinking about it, you remember what you were forgetting. According to my extensive research (okay, it wasn’t extensive, it was just Reddit) the act of thinking about it in the first place, fires up receptors in your brain. And when you stop thinking about it consciously, your unconscious brain is still hard at work. Glad we cleared that up. I think John has a pretty good memory, but he’s five years younger. I think his name is John. But here’s an examine of my memory, and this happened a year ago. Or maybe it was two. At any rate, I bought tickets to a Joan Osborne concert in our local theater. My wife wasn’t feeling well on this particular Friday night, so I went alone. I showed my ticket at the door, they scanned it, and I plopped down in my seat. In fact, there was somebody else sitting in it, which should have been my first clue, but the very next seat was open so I just sat there. A comedian came on as an opening act and I thought, “That’s weird, you don’t usually see comedians opening for blues/rock performers. It’s usually another band.” And then the performer kept going and going. Past a half-hour, towards an hour, and, since the gummy had already kicked in, I’m thinking, “So when does Joan Osborne come on already?” Finally, after 90 minutes, the comedian said, “I’m Paula Poundstone. Good night and get home safely.” I looked at my ticket stub and found out that the Joan Osborne concert was not until the following Friday night.

Onto our second comic, in which, at the mention of parasailing, Al imagines himself in a full body cast. Full admission: I’m a scaredy cat. Scared of getting hit by an inside fastball, scared of skiing down a slope that’s more than a beginners slope, and yeah, scared of water skiing. Water skiing with a parachute on your back??? And no skis? Are you kidding me? Not on my back. I mean think of flying 20 feet above the water. When the boat eventually slows down, is there any way you come down with your feet parallel to the water? And what happens if you hit at an awkward angle? You could break your ankle in several places. That happened to me while riding a bicycle and being hit by a car. Believe me, you don’t want to break an ankle. You’re not allowed to put weight on it for months. Imagine trying to go to the bathroom and lowering yourself to the toilet without putting weight on one of your ankles. That’s a short way of declaring, “No, I will not go water skiing or parasailing even if you beg me.” I’ll stick to walking, swimming and golf, though sometimes those 8-foot downhill putts are scary as hell.

That is it for this week. We’ll be back with two new ones next Friday, same Bat Time, same Bat Channel. Or is it Thursday? Enjoy your weekend,

Andy and John