How to Survive. 12/13/24

Ever watch National Geographic TV (NatGeo if you’re hip)? Or YouTube nature videos? There’s all these great examples of what to do if you’re confronted by a dangerous creature. There’s this bear video where a guy is walking down a beautiful path in the woods when suddenly a bear appears and growls. In this video the hiker raises his arms and spreads them out while growling ferociously. The bear turns tail and runs away. Ahh, so that’s how you do it. If I were hiking on a trail (as I often am) and ran into a bear (which I never have), the last thing I would do is spread my arms out and approach it aggressively. I don’t like my odds. Maybe I’d indulge it in some calming dialogue like, “Hi Momma Bear, you don’t really want to hurt me and I certainly don’t want to hurt you, and I couldn't care less about the stupid bear cub, so let’s go our separate ways, okay?” On second thought, I might leave out the part about the stupid bear cub. At any rate there are other great tips like that. What do you do if an alligator comes after you? They can reach a speed of 40 mph, but their legs are short and they can’t easily change direction. So when you’re running away, just run in a zigzag pattern. Just don’t zig back into the same place you just zagged from. Another survival tip of mine is, if I get into a fight with my wife, just admit I’m wrong. Well, I’m still kind of working on that one.

Our other comic this Friday the 13th is about Friday the 13th. Funny how that works. Now both John and I are not particularly superstitious. I barely know how to spell superstitious. We’re not the kind of guys who throw salt over our respective shoulders. If I see a black cat run by, I think, “Wow a black cat ran by.” If it’s easier to walk under a ladder than around it, chances are I’ll walk under it. So while I don’t believe in superstition, I do believe there’s a power out there that defies logic. Towards the end of my advertising career, I thought of a great campaign idea while riding the commuter train to work. Rather than take notes like a normal person might, I thought, “Hell, I’ll just write this down when I get to work.” The idea hinged on a character in Breaking Bad, Mike Ehrmantraut, who never cracked a smile during six years worth of episodes. My product, the one I was working on, would make him smile. On my ensuing walk to work the idea completely slipped my mind. The harder I tried to remember it, the more the idea faded in my memory. One block from the office a crosstown bus pulls up to the curb. Featured on the side of the bus is an ad for Breaking Bad with a huge picture of Mike Ehrmantraut, played by Jonathan Banks.

That’s all folks for this week. Since today is the dreaded Friday the 13th, take care not to break a mirror. But if you do, chill out. Nothing’s gonna happen to you. Right?

Andy and John