Kicking 2021 Off To a Healthy Start 1/15/21

We all make them. We all break them. New Year’s resolutions. I knew somebody a few years back who paid to go to a boot camp, a military-style exercise/torture experience several mornings per week in New York’s Central Park. And when I say mornings, I mean like 5:30 am. This person would dutifully show up, along with a few other hearty souls and proceed to get put through the paces by a drill sergeant, yelling at them to get up, jump higher, calling them endearing names like “maggot” and screaming that they weren’t going fast enough or hard enough. And they paid money for this. Full disclosure, the maniacal training program CrossFit came to my hometown about 15 years ago and before I joined up, I paid the instructor for 3 private sessions, just to see what it was like. Now it should have been a sign that the instructor came to the second session with a cast on his left wrist, but he said it was “nothing, just a little strain” so I carried on. Each session comprised of 3 to 4 exercises. You’d do them and get the form down, and then at the end, you’d see how many sets of the exercises you could fit in a space of 8 to 10 minutes. What could go wrong lifting kettlebell weights as fast as you can from a squat to a stand and back down again? Plenty. I quit when I had to cancel a golf game due to a strained back. I thought, what are you going to do more of in your later years, golf with friends or swing kettlebells under the watchful eye of some freak with a cast on his wrist? Golf won. Though truth be told, I was probably more adept at the kettlebell. CrossFit was the inspiration for Marv’s tire flip, and we think Marv had the right idea by rolling the tire. Who in their right mind would want to flip the damn thing? And by the way, my local CrossFit went out of business.

Our next comic comes from the many mutual family meals John and I have had with our grown children. Now that restaurants are not feasible for the time being we have eaten at our kids’ houses or they have come to us. And, like everything else, food has undergone radical changes. No longer will our children eat Hershey Bars (unless they are under 7 and it’s Halloween). I found an oat milk, 58% cacao, cane sugar free, unroasted dark chocolate bar at my daughter’s house, though to be fair, when I teased her about it, it turned out my wife bought it for her. At any rate, just like our parents had to get used to long hair and bell-bottom jeans, pre-marital sex and rock and roll, we have to get used to cage free eggs, Beyond Meat, gluten-free bread and plant-based proteins. This comic was a nod to that. As a service to our readers, please don’t fall for gluten-free potato chips. All potato chips are gluten-free. We have a really good upscale pizza parlor near us that serves regular (as opposed to gluten-free) pizza but on the very same menu features gluten-free fried chicken. As my grandma used to say “Go figure”. And as I say, “I have no idea what gluten is, but I know I want more.”

See you next week with two new ones.

Andy and John