who couldn't use a little bathroom humor? 11/16/18

Here’s what happens when you’re over 60. Somethings are easier than they used to be. For instance, paying tolls with EZ-Pass and depositing checks online. But some things are more complicated, like going to the bathroom in a public space. I know I’ve been to at least one place where there were urinals and toilets in the bathroom, but a long communal, co-ed sink outside the bathroom, complete with my all-time favorite, an attendant who hands you a paper towel when you are finished washing your hands. You sort of have to tip the poor guy. He doesn't want to be there anymore than you want him to be there. But this guy also had peppermint lifesavers, so…

This week, we explore the bathroom, ‘cause let’s face it, we have to go a lot more than we used to. John recalled one of his least favorite aspects of going. Assholes (not literal assholes, which are essential to the bathroom experience, but figurative assholes) the kind who talk on their cell phones as if nobody were around. We figured out the most obnoxious conversation you could possibly have in a stall, and came up with a loud conversation with the stall person’s stockbroker. A special shout out to my cousin, financial wiz Tommy Lowell, for keeping us honest on our dialogue about what someone would actually say to a stockbroker. And I promise, I did not talk to him from the bathroom.

Then John talked how frustrating it is to use those automatic sinks. You wave your hands under the soap dispenser, it doesn't work. You wave your hands under the sink, it works, but no soap. Then you go back to the soap and this time it works but now you can’t get the water to turn on. You move sinks, same story. A young guy walks in, puts his hands under the faucet, voila, water! How do they do it? It must be in the wrists. In fact, the jerk who was discussing his portfolio from the crapper probably has no trouble with the automatic sink. To hell with him.

At any rate, wishing you a good weekend despite the snow. Hopefully you won’t be spending too much of it in the bathroom.


The New 60